RE: Psychology Addict # 65 | Self-Awareness: Investigating the Past & Making New Year’s Resolutions.
Hello!
At the beginning of your piece, where you were talking about self-reflection, I had a recent fight with one of my sisters in mind. We did our usual nonsense: she said "you don't trust me" or some such (which is true) and I said "no, I don't." which I always do. Then she had her hissy fit and hung up. Totally unproductive and hurtful as always. I need to learn to recognize when she is trying to trigger me to accuse her of some horrible thing (and she's horrible but that's beside my point right now) and take a moment to consider my response, knowing not to respond at all could be one of my choices. to say "I don't understand this." could have been another. Saying "no I think you are a lying piece of shit" (paraphrased) is never a good choice. But it is so hard to break the patterns we have solidified over these past 62 years, since the day of her birth probably! It takes a will and an awareness that require self-reflection every single time it happens. Hopefully next time (if we ever speak to each other again) I won't take the bait.
I disagree that a daily schedule helps. I've found this advice to be both ubiquitous and harmful for some. Any parent of a newborn, for instance, can attest that to try to enforce a daily schedule causes more stress than relief.
As for living in the present, I myself try to cherish each moment in whatever way I can, even those moments that are filled with grief and terror, knowing that joy is always always always within reach. But goals, however small, once met make those moments much brighter and can definitely give meaning to the now. I'm thinking now of a particularly difficult period of time in my life when my guiding principle was "how can I navigate this problem today so that my the lives of my children are disrupted the least." It was a comfort to have that principle to guide me, and turned out to help me enormously in making decisions. This was an amorphous but solid goal. I believe that making my decisions based on the needs of others also helped me to see outside of my own misery at that time.
It is always a pleasure to read and react to your posts. I am so glad I happened upon this one in time!
Hey @owasco <3
Great comment. So honest! As always.
It pleased so much to hear this post made you reflect about a recent episode when things could have been carried out in a less upsetting, more productive way. I do hope you and your sister talk again. And you are so right. When situations have become a habit they are that little bit harder to change. But, armed with the info one obtains from self-reflection + the will to set things straight, old habits can always be replaced by new (positive) ones.
It is true that in some cases actually trying to follow a daily schedule might even bring more stress to some people. Your example of looking after a new-born is an important one. Especially for mums experiencing postpartum depression. Trying to follow a schedule here could be counter productive!
I do think of daily plans as steps to greater goals and a means to enable people to experience the present moment more fully. This is, however, a highly subject aspect of life. And I think the illustration you made here with your very personal example is a touching one. A principle that guided you through your troubles in the now in order to achieve overall piece.
I like to think of this sort of approach to life as 'compound interest'. Adopt it month in, month out and when one least expects .... a year's passed and tranquility has been reestablished. Giving us the chance to objectively measure the extent of our self-development :)
Thank you for meaningfully stopping by once again dear @owasco. I wish you Happy Holidays & an upcoming year filled with good-health, tranquility and many, many smiles.
Abigail :)
I wish the very same for you Dear Abigail.