Mini Motivation #107 - The Day I Decided to See a Therapist
There are a few things that you would say when you're young, like "I am going to be rich!", "I am going to marry the boy/girl of my dreams!" or "I am gonna leave a mark in history."
I'm pretty sure "I am going to see a therapist" didn't make the list. And yet, it did for me. Tuesday, 1st May 2018, will be the day I filled up a form to schedule an appointment to see a therapist. Quite ironic that it's also labor day here.
But that doesn't even begin to illustrate the scale of irony. You see, in the years of working with great coaches (life and business), meeting extraordinary human beings who had defied all odds, and also exposing myself to cutting-edge psychological techniques, I always thought I had enough in my tool bag to never have to see a therapist. I counted on my monk hood training as my foundation, my Ma's life lessons as my guiding principles, and my constant self-reflection as my compass.
On that note, heck, I'm just thankful that my mom didn't have to live to see his son fall into such a bad shape.
But I've learned to put on a good show. I would give the best ideas from the top of my mind, but conscious of the chest pains that has reminded me of the pain killers I've grown accustomed to. I would make a silly joke, poking fun to elicit a smile, but you'd never know how much I depended on the laughter of others to cheer me up inside. I would write educational pieces, keeping up my act as a content marketer, but deep down, I knew I have lost my edge and my focus.
The steps had been slower for me, and the crappy part is I'm aware of it. I distant myself from sources of happiness, under the excuse that I don't have the mood. I schedule meetings to interact with people, to find meaning, only to be washed by overwhelming loneliness the moment the sessions ended. I had wished that life had been easier for me, but it hadn't. Once I thought of ending it, but I knew I still have a place in the world, and it's just plain irresponsible. I bury myself with work, yet pissed that I wasn't able to perform as I did in my prime.
The therapist was recommended by a friend, for some one else really. My part was merely the messager, to pass on the contact. Little did I know, the messager will become the patient.
Don't get me wrong, I respect the work of therapists and counselors, and the countless lives they had saved. It's always easy to appreciate their work from a third party, like watching a movie. Now, the scene is different for me. I had become the actor in the movie, and there's no fast forward to the next scene, no rewind to look for clues, no zoom out to glance at the bigger picture, no end credits to know that the show has ended.
The last bit of irony is that, in a few days, I was supposed to share about Living My Purpose. I'm pretty sure seeing a therapist wasn't in the agenda of life, or purpose, for that matter.
p.s. Sorry that this is different from the usual Mini-Motivation series. No strategies nor tips here today. Rather, just me verbalising a fear through journalling, in hopes that it motivates me.
Mini Motivation is my own daily strategy to inspire myself. Mostly 3-minute reads.
From Motivation, we gain Inspiration. From Inspiration, we achieve Momentum. And the rest, they say, is history.
Hope it helps nudge you a bit too in the right direction.
Oh it did? Let me know in the comments, and of course an upvote would be a nice motivation for me. :)
Stay awesome!
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A very personal and courageous sharing and deeply relatable Mave.
I have so much respect for you for this post, especially with what is coming up this weekend....and I'm looking forward to it all the more, as I get the sense it will be extraordinary because of the level of authenticity you will be bringing in.
I totally understand this struggle....a personal struggle of mine too....one I took a long therapeutic journey...which sometimes requires some TLC.
Warm hugs
Resourcefulness is leveraging on everything in our grasp to improve a situation, even if it means tapping on methods that are uncomfortable and ego-stabbing.
Well said. _/_
And permission to resteem pls. I know technically we can, but just felt it right to ask first.
Not an easy post to write. Exposing the weak spots in our armor is often feels like a counter-intuitive move. But it draws us together. My good friend wrote recently that "joy is elevatory, but pain is connective." Joy is great. Spreading our happiness for others is a great thing. But getting with our pain allows us to connect with others in a deeper way.
This right here. In my opinion, you writing this is evidence of you taking the brave step of deciding it is time to not settle for a lie. Cheers to you brother on this winding journey.
I totally agree with you. We bond when we share our deepest fears and pain. Blessings to you too brother, x @ssimkins9
Ironically, it's also the depth and strength of that bond that we are afraid, and holding back from.
For sure. And it actually makes sense to some degree. Especially if you have ever been burned by someone you trust or someone you thought was safe to open up to. Unfortunately even one bad encounter can cause us to put walls up.
Indeed! It isn't always easy to find safe people, but it always worth it. Thanks @jassicania
Hi @ssimkins9, thanks for your comment and kind words. Truth is I had been debating the decision for a while, and a part of me kept on insisting that I can work on it on my own, or just let it pass. But I realized the manifestation of the chest pains and nagging tendencies to reach of pain killers all the time is bad.
I have been evaluating why I had delayed the decision, if it was a financial thing (not that it's expensive, but in the scope of "Am I paying for something I don't really need?"), an ego thing, or just trying to wallow more in my own pool of pain.
I realised I couldn't come to the conclusion, so it's better to just register myself for a session, and see how it goes. Maybe there's nothing, maybe there's something, and I leave that to the professionals to give their point of view.
That's actually really wise. I had a couple of different therapists at different times. I'm glad to hear you found this one through a recommendation, and even still, so much of the process depends on being able to establish a connection. If after a handful of sessions, this person has not been able to set a rapport with you, then I don't think there is anything wrong with trying someone new. There is a balance in making sure you're not jumping ship for other reasons or too soon though.
In my experience, the pain tends to get worse before getting better. When we decide to put aside our pain killers (whether that is literal pills, or some kind of compulsive behavior), the pain that we were keeping stuffed floats up. Good luck my man and hang in there. You're not alone.
This is one of the best motivation post and tips because you've showed us your real self, your other self that we don't see 99% of the time, which I think people should be courageous to show their weak self, to be more connected to other people. This post gave us one great tip: to never be afraid to ask for help.
Thank you for laying yourself out there Mav. Thank you for showing yourself and materialize your fear. Go through your fears and make them your b!tches!!
Well, I take the lead from you, right? Courage inspires courage, and truth be told, verbalising your intentions out in the open may build accountability to see through the decision.
I think every person will eventually need help and it is wise to be humble enough to accept and actually look for that help.
Hopefully the therapist will offer you whatever you need mate.
Cheers!
Yup, hence exploring that. I figured in the process, I will learn more about myself, and also their methods as well.
I never knew behind the smiles and jokes is just one normal ordinary man. Don't worry my friend, most people have the same problem like you, you are not alone in this matter. If all people have a good life and a sound mind, all the therapist will be out of work by now. Always think about your loved ones first before doing anything regrettable, like you always said, it's mind over matters.
Well, as Agent Smith said to Neo "Only Human".
Thanks for the kind words and support bro, :)
wow.. This is personal. Enjoyable reading, and it's brave of you. Thanks for sharing. @maverickfoo
I figured the questions the therapists/ counselors would ask are great questions, and something blog-worthy too.
Sometimes it's in the discomforts of our lives that we find our true identity, and let questions be the guide, the map, the path to our own version of clarity. #shitthatrhymes
It is always in the discomfort and pain of our lives where it polishes us to be the diamond we can be. :)
Adversity builds character, character overcomes adversity. Chicken and egg, but hey, who's complaining?
cheers for the sharing bro ..... we all go thru our ups and downs, and being able to actually talk to a 3rd party about the shit that goes in your head may help discover a lot of things unknown to us. SO ! was it like in the TVs ???
No idea yet. They couldn't get a slot today or tomorrow, so I can only go on Friday. Will let you know what furniture they have in the room. :)
Reply to my last post and I will auto upvote and resteem your last post for free to my 36,000+ followers. @a-0-0
Kudos, Maverick! It can be hard to seek the help we need when it means overcoming an old assumption about how we should be. I'm glad you're getting the support, and I hope the therapist is a good fit for you! That can be so hard to find.
It's okay sir.. There are really times in our lives that we feel that way. I almost thought of ending myself too before but, always remember, those are just challenges in life. They will just pass. :) :) Just keep going forward. Just trust God and pray. :)