An Unpopular Opinion About Depression and Suicide
Life is much like a composite of sedentary rock that is layered in a span of millions of years. Much with the rock, we only get to see the top layer since it is the one that is directly connected to us. To go deeper we need to dissect the rock to see what lies beneath.
We view suicide, depression and pretty much everything else through a scope of superficiality. It is inevitable since our brains are lazy and so we take the most obvious answer as the valid one. This is also why we only notice the top layer of the rock without realizing that without the layers below it, we wouldn't be able to stand on it. Without understanding the layers of life many rush to explain suicide or depression.
Depression has been labeled as some kind of disease because people decided that that it is something undesirable. In the same way, many are trying to treat death as a disease because they are afraid to die. Human perception shapes the meaning and purpose of some processes to be negative, positive or plain undesirable without evaluating properly the point of their existence. This is also how we have come up with religion. We were afraid of death and we found a loop or rather a narrative around it that makes us feel better.
Nicholas Nassim Taleb in his books describes this phenomenon pretty accurately. He explains why it is not advised to put ice on swollen wounds. Evolution has structured that specific immune response so that the body can cope with that injury. Even-though ice can bring down the swelling it is not very clear if the restoration process will be finished the same way or as efficiently, even if we have some evidence that it works in the short term. Depression is much the same. It is a required step that it is not advised to be bypassed for the sake of avoiding pain.
And that is really the main issue here. Much like with a swollen wound, we are trying to treat depression with pills, therapy or lead a life that completely avoids it. We are not treating it as something that is naturally a part of our life.
Similarly we have come to believe through religion and plain human selfishness that is wrong for someone to commit suicide. When somebody else dies we lose a part of ourselves. We feel it devalues our own sacred beliefs about life. If we know the person, the pain simply drives us to the superficial layer of "What if I could prevent it".
Most of us don't realize that even if they are atheist, their responses to how the world works is based on religious wishful thinking, trying to somehow control the world and try to explain it with superficial reasoning. It does not work like that.
Why on earth would somebody that is financially and socially successful would want to kill themselves? Our petty mind simply cannot fathom how Bourdain or Spade could possibly take their lives recently. So Reuters, representing the popular opinion, suggests that we need more and better medication. As if medication for depression is not killing enough already from suicide. Really, the warning its on the package.
As I noted in a previous post, there is nothing wrong with suicide. What's problematic is the perception of those who experience the event. The ones that are alive. These are the people who have the problem with suicide. Not the person committing it.
If someone has fulfilled everything in their life, traveled, had family and saw that its all a wild ride, or well played joke, there is nothing wrong ending it all before medical causes take over. Some times the body gives up and some times the mind does. Thing is, most people struggle to achieve fame, money and power their entire life and don't realize that if you have all that, it doesn't mean much. You are still depressed much like a child who is forced to play the same video game over and over again.
Jim Carrey said characteristically “I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it's not the answer.” In those lines lies the answer behind the bullshit we came to believe about depression, suicide and everything else in between. The "experts" of academia who sit behind a desk trying to evaluate human beings on bell curves, the article authors of popular media that try to offer solutions based on wishful thinking or the medical enterprise that simply provides medicine based on demand and supply.
As long as we value the lives of others so much more than our own, we will perceive suicide as an assault on the living. We will fail to realize that what is rather preposterous is to continue living just to satisfy some pop culture fanatics that are wannabes of the position that those who made it are. Life is nothing more but an experience, much like a game. Sometimes it becomes unbearable due to lack of excitement. Some other times due to lack of interest or physical injury. The cause is irrelevant. Heck, famous people might have ended it because they got lucky with their success and after self evaluating they couldn't bear that all it takes is just that, Luck.
Depression and Suicide are just another facet of the human experience, not worse or better than anything else. We are better off leaving our inhibitions behind and just embrace this concept. As humans continue to live longer and longer and able to entertain all the neurons that are jailed in our skull, we will continue to get depressed and we will continue killing ourselves.
I leave you with a song from Boston
Now if you're feelin' kinda low 'bout the dues you've been paying
Future's coming much too slow
And you want to run but somehow you just keep on stayin'
Can't decide on which way to go
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I understand about indecision
But I don't care if I get behind
People livin' in competition
All I want is to have my peace of mind, yeah, whoa
Now you're climbin' to the top of the company ladder
Hope it doesn't take too long
Can'tcha you see there'll come a day when it won't matter?
Come a day when you'll be gone, whoa
I understand about indecision
But I don't care if I get behind
People livin' in competition
All I want is to have my peace of mind
Take a look ahead, take a look ahead, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Now everybody's got advice they just keep on givin'
Doesn't mean too much to me
Lots of people out to make-believe they're livin'
Can't decide who they should be, whoa
I understand about indecision
But I don't care if I get behind
People livin' in competition
All I want is to have my peace of mind
Take a look ahead, take a look ahead, look ahead
It's interesting to see that in some countries committing suicide is illegal - as in you will go to jail if you survive
hey man ! how are you!
This is a great view of the subject. You will be surprised at the number who are living with the knowledge of some love ones who have committed suicide. Sometimes that knowledge is public, many other times it is private. That is, people did not know the death was caused by suicide. There is such a stigma for the living, that they may not done everything they could to help make the person who committed suicide prior to him/her making that fatal decision. The guilt remains no matter what everyone around says.
The mind is a previous thing to waste. When I get really depress I think about my past and what made me happy.
The things that we value the most in life will provide the energy we so desperately seek to live on. It is not simple but that is apart of life. Nothing is the way it seems and no one can plan everything. But to appreciate the moments we live and try our best to do what we want to do in life is a precious gift.
Put it into perspective each person who is born had to compete with millions of other sperms in order to win out in their own right to exist. That my friend is already a success. Everything else in life that he or she does and is remembered for is icing on the cake. Thanks.
you had me until you cited Boston... then the air went out of the balloon for me (-:
I’d say grear post/article, but I know you’d just give me the ole ”I didn’t write this for you, I don’t care if you liked it, fuck off” so I’ll just shut up.
Upvoted anyway.
Funny I came across this from @kevinwong's page, I actually did a piece on the same topic afew hours ago. It's so sad to see so many great and talented people succumbing to depression.
It's something I can relate to and it cuts deep to even think about it currently, fact is, we need a better working solution, especially for men. I get so angry when I see people telling men to "man up", like they are not supposed to have emotions or rather express themselves. I think that is the major contribution to male species, bottling everything on the inside and having to deal it on their own because society expects that of them.
Your perspective was rather interesting to read, gave me sth to think about deeply. Great post!
That's wisdom, I think. The Boston song takes the idea about accepting our human condition even further, maybe: namely, that once you accept that depression and suicide are just a part of life, you may decide you no longer want to commit suicide. Because often the internal pressure to commit suicide comes from the voice inside that says that you don't match up to some rigid previous conception of life you had, of where you should be, how you should feel, what you should be doing. I really like what Rob Bell has to say about the Japanese concept of "Ikigai," which suggests that our reason for living can constantly change, and that new ones will come if we accept life's hardships, without judging ourselves, and just roll on with living.
Suicide is not bad per se, but the sad part is that it is human to think that a certain mood, perspective and circumstance are final and definitive and there is no other escape, while in reality these things are often a perception of a moment in time that is finite and can be changed. I have suffered depression when things were technically going good, and optimism when things were going bad.
Suicide is sad when a healthy person leaves us while we think their depression hid the other way out; a drastic change in life that would bring back joy. Because once new found excitement is found, it does wonders to your perspective on life.
Why is this relevant? Because many believe that life happens only once. Death is probably permanent.
I was inspired by Stephen Hawking. He didn't have the most proficient body for interacting with the world, but his take on life was interesting:
"We have this one life to appreciate the grand design of the universe. For that, I am extremely grateful."
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Awesome write up