INTERNET TROLLS: If They Love to Hate You, There's a Reason For That! (Part 2)
This is Part 2 of a 2-Part post. In Part 1 (Why They Love to Hate You), I talked about why trolls were initially attracted to you. In this Part 2, I will talk about why they're still hanging around, if they're a regular problem.
PART 2 - WHY THEY ARE STILL HATING ON YOU
If trolls stick around on your platforms or in related peer group platforms, here's why.
REASON 1: You are noticeablyrattled by them.
If you continually call them out as a troll, even if you avoid using their name, they are getting their payoff. What does the addicted person do when they get a payoff? Come back for more where that came from. They will try to up the ante, see how far they can push the envelope of your sanity. They know when they push your buttons you lie awake thinking about how to push back and that is thrilling for them. They know because of your public reaction to them.
REASON 2: They've become a regular part of your content.
Have you ever heard that song by Carly Simon called "You're So Vain"?
It's a classic example of where some content creators go wrong in their response to trolls. Because that guy may be SO very vain, but that song IS about him. The whole fucking song is about him - which translates to justification of his/her own vanity. So, if you don't wish to be further inflating the ego of your particular troll(s), avoid the Carly Simon Song response to their antics. It's the most satisfying thing in the world for them to see how they've now influenced the wording of all of your content even if you think you're being slick by not naming names.
What you focus on grows - even with trolls. If 20 minutes of your 1-hour podcast is talking about that 'shant be named individual who did that crazy thing to you that one time'- you've given over a third of your voice, and thus your audience's attention, to a troll. They will be sure to return to this cash-cow of a payoff. They'll be strategizing to see how they can get the full hour.
If there is a scam or character assassination attempt against you that your audience *needs to be aware of*, relating to the troll or an accusation they've made against you, do one brief written summary post (fact-based, sans emotional words) on an obscure page or post of a website. Have a trusted friend confirm the write-up reads effectively as a just-the-facts account before circulating it. Whenever the subject of the troll conflict comes up again, quickly refer people to visit that page/post for any clarification and swiftly return to your high-value content.
Your success in pressing-on with what you do best (what your audience loves) is really your best revenge. But do you need revenge as your excuse to pursue that success? I hope not. Revenge-thinking is driven by the inflated-ego. Inflated ego is driven by insecurity. If you're so worried by what your troll does and says about you, even when they aren't in your immediate presence, that has to do with some personal insecurity for you to address. Emotionally secure people legitimately don't care what some asshole thinks of them unless they have some actual respect for the asshole. Figure out what's up with your fixation on 'what the troll thinks' and deal with that aspect of yourself for your own journey. If you're worried they could have called-out a true shortcoming, work to better yourself in that department without making your improvements be about someone else's opinion.
REASON 3: You adopted a consistently defensive position in your messaging.
I've witnessed really gifted content creators move from creating high-quality, educational content to creating content that is a ultimately a series of defensive responses to critical jabs they receive in their inbox or on the sidelines. Defense-oriented messaging can be useful to the extent that your fans want to be good at defending your shared positions and may not know the best way to do this outside of your audience platform - like their kitchen table or a debate with friends. But, be careful to use this defensive approach to content creation sparingly so as not to chase away those who were already sold on your value. Your fans originally came to you because they agreed with you not because they disagreed. They loved they way you present content, and they want more of that.
Contrary to popular assumptions, leaning heavily on defensive angles in your messaging won't deter trolling. Instead, it's often an indication you feel extra vulnerable in an exclusively offensive position and you're willing to put a ton of your energy into defense (which is attractive to trolls seeking payoffs). When you switch gears to cater to critical responses to your work, your audience becomes...drum roll please...more of your critics and the choir goes looking for another place to sing.
I once heard Canadian physician/speaker Dr. Gabor Mate speak and he told us, his audience, something to the effect of: The United States of America is like the next door neighbor who is always telling you he's so great. But everyone knows, if he was really so great, he wouldn't have to tell you how great he was all the time. Everyone else understands him to be the insecure guy on the block.
We all know that guy and we don't trust him either. So, remember that if you're great and your stuff is valuable, your audience will start to doubt this if you have to announce in fifteen different ways just how and why it's great. Stick to what you do well. Create for your true fans first, your critics second, and only as necessary. It's been said: the best defense is a good offense and this applies here.
REASON 4: Your audience members still engage them.
If you've assumed a position of leader among your fans, they are looking to you for cues on how to respond to trolls. If they see you aren't emotionally impacted by them, they're more likely to brush them off, too. If your audience senses that you are adversely triggered, they may attempt to defend you, even if you aren't actively defending yourself.
Trolls came for a good fight and the payoff doesn't have to be only with you. If a moderator notices someone overly-engaging a troll, a private message would work well to suggest they don't take the bait. Or if you are on a platform that allows you to ban or mute trouble-makers (true trolls), taking this action quickly removes the possibility that the audience will jump in and provide the antagonist's reward, unintentionally perpetuating the appeal for the troll. Banning of this nature can work if it is done consistently, unemotionally and *the conditions of banning are posted in advance of the interaction*.
If noise happens and it's taken care of, at the end of the content portion, it may be beneficial to compliment all the audience members who remained professional during the short disruption. This small focus, although seeming to acknowledge the troll, actually places positive emphasis on your mature and intelligent audience. What you focus on grows - and when your focus is on appreciating and acknowledging intelligent, emotionally mature discussions, you are bound to cue more of the same. The key is to be sure the wording is more of a compliment to your audience than a clever, back-handed jab at the disruptor - which could backfire.
Remember to generally compliment great audiences, especially if they end up getting involved in a conflict but remain professional and unemotional in their responses or had to employ a lot of patience while it was handled. Doing so communicates the publicly-preferred etiquette for those few audience members who may have not known how to handle such a disruption. The more emotional restraint your audience exhibits during attempted troll disruptions, the less of an attraction your platform will be for trolls seeking actual payoffs.
REASON 5: You openly bragged about 'handling' a specific troll.
A win in handling a troll could easily become a loss if you openly brag to your audience about subduing them or humiliating them. Immature people operate on a tit-for-tat basis, meaning if you attack them (by humiliating them), they are more likely to attack back in response (usually with more force). The last thing you want to do when there is a moment of peace is to communicate about the peace in a way that is perceived as a welcomed challenge. As satisfying as it is to have successfully thwarted a troll's effort (and I know that satisfaction), save the high-fives and witty one-liners (ala Bye, Felicia!), for someone close to you behind-the-scenes instead of taking it to the public to avoid inviting another round.
But ...he started it!
I know! But, you and I both know someone has to be the adult here and if you think the troll is going to be the one to maturely take it on the chin, realize he/she screwed up and walk away to begin a peaceful exercise in introspection, you have grossly misjudged your opponent.
Your win is getting back into your flow, unfazed. Back to your true fan community.
REASON 6: Your community fosters "concern trolls" , unintentionally, by design.
There's a specific type of troll that ends up lingering because they are disguised as a legit member of the community and have excuses, at the ready, for their disruptive behavior that seem fairly benign. These people have earned the label concern trolls due to their over-use of a concern angle to gain sympathetic attention on an alternative agenda within the group through passive-aggressive actions. Agendas could be: to gain followers on their alternative, independent platform, or to recruit for an MLM or other business opportunity, or to collect money for a project they need funds for, etc.
These trolls want to be liked by the group. It's in their best interest to be polite to win over your audience to their preferred platform or idea that conflicts with the current objective. They may even start out being helpful to you, because your influence as a respected leader of the group could also benefit their objective. However, make no mistake, if they are trolling, they will turn the group against you if you don't advocate their alternative agenda or idea.
The concern troll may aggressively seek access to the main mailing list of the community or a position next to you as an influencer in communication to the overall group- which is a red flag, especially when they can already freely communicate with members on your platform, individually. They are sometimes overly nice to group members so that, if you take any action to silence them, they have immediate contacts ready to voice an appeal. These trolls can and will damage internal relationships within your community in the wake of the rejection of their personal plans for your group, but the onus for their presence ultimately falls on how group expectations were set - or not set - from the point of entry into your community.
Formal, clear agreement on the objectives of your community are imperative. Terms and conditions are a benefit - even in social groups, and even when money isn't exchanged in the group. Time and attention of people has value, mailings lists can have value, ideas shared have value, communication within the group has value. If you assume everyone will enter on the same page, behaving maturely, your assumption will be challenged as soon as you develop any sizable membership.
Clearly state, prior to accepting entry: here's what the expectations are for participation... and hold everyone to those expectations in an agreement. It can even be a simple check-box kind of agreement, but it has to be something you can refer to later, if disputes arise. That way, when someone disagrees with an established, fundamental objective of the group (despite indicating *yes* on that agreement), you can point out that they simply joined the wrong group to achieve their particular goal and they did so with full knowledge of the stated objective, putting the responsibility of choice back onto their plate. When all community members are familiar with this, it's harder for concern trolls to gain sympathy and wreck progress because their position, very clearly, lacks basic integrity.
Of course, not everyone who raises concerns is a troll or to be treated as a troll. Some concerns may be legit and there is a place for those. If you have an agreement in place, this will also be useful in distinguishing real concerns from feigned ones using the metrics of the established community goal. Established agreements in place help separate trolls from the community's positive innovators and true concerned parties can keep the focus on the group's ultimate purpose. A tip on that front: encourage truly concerned people to bring viable solutions to the table with their critique and invite the community to weigh in on those. Bonus tip: If their idea involves presenting a new project, consider adopting a 'Your Idea = Your Project' policy to discourage sideline observers (peanut gallery critics) from too casually loading the plates of community members already carrying many responsibilities. 'Cause it's all too easy to make a dream wish-list when you aren't responsible for implementing items on it, isn't it?
This concludes my suggestions for content creators dealing with trolls.
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