Love on Steroids

I may never write of this again. I don't deserve these memories.

It started with your eyes, they looked innocent. But they were not. Then I tasted your lips and I knew I was caught in a fiery furnace that I may never want to get out of. I was right. And so were you, but you lied.

From the meeting of our lips I felt the heat of your skin, my damn! That heat could melt me. And every time your hand lingered on my bare body I felt not even the devil could tempt me. And I was right. How could such big hands hold me so tender and caress me so sweetly. Your hands became candy to my veins... You reached my inner core and yet I knew. I was right. And you, well, you were not.

I'd be a fool to deny that I never craved you. And who wouldn't? Your lips touched me and your tongue never missed a beat. You swept away all my outer layers of doubt with you ever tender lips and words. You devoured me. Yes, that's the word. You ate me up and yet you never used teeth. You screwed my body and my mind and you never needed a driver... Even your mean thrusts were tender. It felt right, and it was, but you were not.

Deep down, I knew I was right. I told you "I'm yours" and you said "you're mine". Boy was I stupid! But let me take you back, to the thrill of our intense lovemaking.

Like a fingerprint, like every strand of hair, I can never have you back. And I don't want you back. I want the electricity of the newness of skin on skin. Is my innocence that far spent? For every part of my skin your hands touched you left a scar, a scar I may never recover from.

2years have past and I still remember like it just happened. I hardly tell the story, and when I do I still feel my eyes get watery. I was so stupid. And I still am. Coz I fear I'd welcome you with excuses back into my fortress if I let myself find you.

You are my undoing. I may never learn. Maybe I don't want to.

This is not love.

I was right. And though you said it too, you were wrong.