Morning Poem שיר בוקר
It's been a while since I've written poetry, but my @poet wrote me a poem, so I couldn't help myself. Hebrew translation added thanks to @yairdd .
The scent of you awakens me
Like the soft light of the morning
Your presence strokes me like warm water
Your touch engulfs me
Like a song of endless longing
To take my form
I must first melt with you
Set myself free of darkness' bindings
I must let go of the night before
To breathe the day
With you beside me
----
Hebrew:
הריח שלך מעיר אותי
כמו אור הזריחה
הנוכחות שלך שוטפת אותי
כמו מים חמימים
המגע שלך עוטף אותי
כמו שיר געגועים
לעטות את צורתי
עלי לימס תחילה איתך
להשתחרר מחבלי החשיכה
לפרוק את ליל אמש
לנשום את היום
לצדך
I love both versions. Thank you <3
It's about coffee isn't it? lol
I just nearly spewed some from my nose due to your comment. I love it. Thank you. <3
Thank you for sharing this lovely heartwarming poem about waking up and love. I much prefered and enjoyed the first stanza because of the specific and relatable images i identified with.
The language here is so dense and rich with concrete imagery:
Each line builds and borrows from each portion of the one before and after it.
The scent of the lover (or coffee :) ) touches the speaker's nose like morning light against your eyelids. Beautiful image! Wow I feel like I can taste, smell, and feel the image struggling against sleep with the first flittering eye lashes.
"presence strokes [...] like warm water." I think of a spa, or a bath, or a hot tub, or a hot ocean. Great image!
Then, the next line builds and develops on the "presence "like warm water" with the line "your touch engulfs me" like water engulfs someone submerging. I can feel the person approaching my bed. How the warm palm on my shoulder feels like courses around my skin everywhere sending rippling pleasure and stretch into the pillows.
My only suggestion would be to change the line, "and endless song of longing." Maybe remove "of longing," and produce an image you want to convey the same idea. I like "an endless song." Maybe that your body sings? cells? smile so long your cheeks cease hurting. I don't know.
Lovely poem, and if I could read Hebrew I'm sure I would appreciate it too :) Well done!
Awwww so sweet !!!
And you look SO cute !!!! :D
Lots of hugs you guys!!!! [love the Hebrew translation by the way! :D ]
Very good poetry ... what inspired this ?
@poet
He comes over to wake me every morning, even with a broken rib. He wrote me a poem last night, so this poem wrote itself in reply.
Hmmm that sounds romantic !!!
How does it sound in Hebrew? Translate it :)
חתיכת אתגר על הבוקר!
הריח שלך מעיר אותי
כמו אור הזריחה
הנוכחות שלך שוטפת אותי
כמו מים חמימים
המגע שלך עוטף אותי
כמו שיר געגועים
לעטות את צורתי
עלי לימס תחילה איתך
להשתחרר מחבלי החשיכה
לפרוק את ליל אמש
לנשום את היום
לצדך
Yes, yes, let the poetic dialogue flow!
שיר יפה.
wow really amazing .. poem i loved it
You look very sexy today.
and have a nice day
I like your post