This is what I remind myself of, this is what I will continue to write

My family lost a loved one recently. My mom lost a 'sister;' our friends lost a mother, a wife, a confidant, a support system, an entire world.

I've struggled the past few days to write about this loss. Though I wasn't as close to this woman, my mom was. And I can feel her ache in my bones.

When loved ones pass, we're faced with questions - why did this happen, why now, why so soon? I think it's human to ask these questions, and then to want answers. It's human to grieve, to be angry, upset, and confused. As I've tried to write about this loss and how it's made me feel, how I've watched my mother's pain, I keep coming back to one word, 'purpose.' When a tragedy or accident happens, when life flashes before our lives, we’re forced to see the way we’ve been living in a different light. We’re forced to come to terms with the beatings of our hearts and recognize whether we’ve been living in tune with our inner desires, or running for the sake of running.

We’re forced to close our eyes, to pray, to re-center and re-align. And as we search for meaning in pain, as we search for the answers in difficult moments and often come up empty, we’re forced realize that sometimes life does not give us answers, does not explain the ‘how’ or the ‘why,’ but allows us to see everything in a new light.

And so, our journey becomes not about finding answers but recognizing the meaning that is all around us—seeing and seeking purpose in the time we have left.

Sometimes there is no answer. But that doesn’t mean the lives we’ve lived aren’t beautiful. It doesn’t mean there isn’t the ability to fight, to continue. It doesn’t mean we can’t pick up the pieces and start again, with our attention on who we want to be and where we want to go from this moment forward.

It doesn’t mean that there isn’t so much love, and light, and incredible things—even in an ending.

This is what I remind myself of, this is what I will continue to write. There is joy. There is love. There is family, friends, strangers coming together. There is tomorrow. There is faith. There is strength. There is healing. There is purpose. There is hope.