What DOESN'T Give You Cancer? - A Poem

I'm sure you're all sick of hearing about the things that cause cancer. I know I certainly am. 

What Doesn't Give You Cancer?

What doesn't give you cancer, I ask?

It seems like everything will.

You can't go a day without reading about

Some new thing that makes us ill.

Smoking cigarettes, well that's a given,

Sitting in the sun all day.

Warming your food in a microwave,

Or using antiperspirant spray.

Pressing your phone to your ear,

Drinking the water from your tap.

Processed food in plastic bags,

Putting your laptop on your lap.

Eating burnt toast for breakfast,

Having roast potatoes for tea.

Asbestos in your attic,

Starting your mornings with coffee.

The fluoride in your toothpaste,

Just about every kind of bread.

And if you believe what Michael Douglas says,

Giving your wife head!

So, what doesn't give you cancer, I ask?

This isn't an exhaustive list.

I'm sure everyone will chime in,

And tell me all the ones I've missed.

Image courtesy of Pixabay