Letters to my beloved-to a long lost friend

Dear beloved
How long has this went on, tears have flowed and our eyes are dried. Decades past and still our hands are tied. This tiff has gone on too long and I now extend my hands in my melancholic sate, begging for an ear to my plight, for a friend to share my adventures, a friend to tell all my endless ventures. Now I long to see your face and feel the warmth of your smile and see if time has also been unpleasant all this while.
When I look to past from here, I am immensely pissed, where were you when I was I was lost in the abyss? You left my hand, you let me wonder, and there I was cold and alone. Now I ponder, what if I had gone yonder? What if I had made a resolve to let you out of my head. But like a toddler I sat there waiting, sobbing and then crying for the Friend I had lost. And at that very moment, I grew more lost, not knowing from whence I came, or where I was going, not knowing who to indulge nor who to rebuff. I've lost, I've been lost, been blue, and even cried, but never like this before. But all through it, I survived. And still I choose to forgive you, though shattered and battered,I choose to believe in you. My only flaw.
So, tell me why, tell me how it all happened, it is not just some child's play that you were gone like that. I'm reaching out, I'm pulling in, don't push me out, I'm on thin ice. What ever reprieve I get is a tale for another day , but tell me why, so I can trust again.
Yours faithfully
A. G. E