Living the World.

in #poem • 6 years ago

Hey there! This is the first poem I've written here. If you have any suggestions for the improvement of this piece, I am open for it. :)

Walking towards empty pavement with an arrow clench in hand;
hearing nothing but the sound of silent whisper of the wind.
This world is filled with bootless homes,
Seul paints blue in my sanity!
Night enjoys more freely and
conundrum sets.

A wee wisdom appears,
sentiments aim greater glee,
arise men walking with positive ambiance.
Rays finally stand like the sweetness of summer
the nest eventually loaded with new inception hope
the arrow cracked the sullen last wall of false state of concussion.

6 years ago in #poem by
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     6 years ago (edited)

    If you have any suggestions for the improvement of this piece, I am open for it. :)

    I'm kinda old-fashioned regarding poetry -- I think it should be understandable by normal people. I also think poetry should have meter and rhyme, but that's harder.

    So ... I don't understand what you wrote. At all.

    Walking towards empty pavement with an arrow clench in hand

    Why is the pavement empty? Is everyone dead? What arrow? Why is your hand clenched? Et cetera.

    One test of a new poem is to read it to a normal person (not a poet) who isn't going to lie to you (to spare your feelings) and ask them what they think.

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