Unspoken Words

It's a letter. Or should I say constructed messages I want to say to someone who's really important to me back then till now.

Dear you,
So here's the last thing I wanna say to you before mabuhol ang precious utak ko sa pesteng new menu na pagplaplanuhan namin for the whole week para sa pesteng Fall season.

I want you back into my life and I really fucking mean it like to death. Sagad. And I'm being a fool right now because I don't really know why I am saying this. And not even sure with the outcome.

Siguro kasi nung time na sobrang down ako. Everytime I am happy and everytime I think of home. I actually have been thinking of you. Nasasama ka sa mga taong I wanna share it with to the point na minsan iniistalk ko na rin yung tang inang fb mo. Why? Because I am so fucking ashamed of what I said before I left home.

And then I saw your post? Something like in a relationship to.... or yung girl whoever that is. (na I really don't care) I was hurt. But happy and relieved kasi alam ko na happy ka na and you are inlove pero may regret pa din sakin sagad. Because I envy her. Kayo. You can post freely not like me who's so into being a private person when it comes to things like this. (Like I ever have one. Tsss.) And I am not the social media type when. Because that is so not cool.

So ayun nga pag may problema ako. Or some deep thoughts I keep it to myself. Pero andun nako sa point na nasa search bar na yung name mo. And there I am still hesitating kung i-memessage ba kita or hindi but I always opt not to. But I was in deep shit that time that I messaged you. Like that feeling that I badly needed to talk to someone who knows how my mind works and all I can think of is you and only you.

Takot ba ako ngayon? Oo. Sobra. Kasi here I am saying this shits to you. Those things I kept into myself for how many long longing months. Pano ako naglakas ng loob? Ewan. Kasi kailangan ko na talagang ilabas lahat ng saloobin ko because my heart may not explode physically but it will emotionally soon. And it would cause me rapid breathing and severe chest pain. Literal. Kaya kailangan ko talagang ilabas ito.

So ayun nga. After nito. Sad na ulit ako. Andun na ulit yung takot ko. And I will be left emotionless again because I will gonna give it all with this oh so not long message that I have for you. Because thing might. . No. Things will change after you read this one. You may not talk to me anymore. Or maybe you'll hang onto me who's been in so many things right now.

And lastly. It's not a question that needs an answer. As I said this are my thoughts. My feelings I felt even right after I told you that I will never be worth the wait. Up until now maybe. . . .

But then again. This is just a letter. Or constructed thoughts. And I hope it will reach you.

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So ayun nga.

Maraming salamat sa mga nagbasa :)