As a child I’ve hated cleaning. And I still do as an adult. The difference is that now I know that I have no other option, so I don’t rebel. Some call it adulthood, let it be so. But, since I didn’t like it myself, why do I tell my kids to do it?

There are a few reasons behind my thoughts and beliefs, and there is even a Harvard research which confirms my thesis. I have read about the research only recently, so I’ll leave it for the end.

A family is common good

My wife, I, and our children, we are all parts of a family. No one here is a prince, neither is anyone a villain. Everyone has some chores to do for the – as it is generally called – common good. Therefore, there is no option of skipping the weekly cleaning just because one is a child or (what unfortunately is a quite common pathology) a man. No way. We all live here, we all make a mess, so we all clean. This builds a sense of belongingness. In all of this, the most important thing is common sense and choosing chores appropriate for the child’s capabilities. When the children were young they of course did not clean the toilet with detergents but, for example, were given a small cloth and dusted their rooms, or organized the toys. That dusting was really just a hoax, but it did happen. The scope of activities grows as the children get older. Today (the kids are 9 and 6) they vacuum their room, clean the shelves, sort the laundry, and clean the cage of their guinea pig.

Forming habits

You’ve finished your supper – clean the plate. I often have to do it once again later (and clean half of the kitchen from spilled water), but it’s the forming of habits that counts. Being a student I have witnessed the forming of dirty-dish-mountains all too often. No place for that at my home. Never. I’m no pedant but I can’t stand organic mess. It’s easiest to leave the plate on the table. A bit more difficult to clean it or put it into the washer, and this requires forming a habit. If this is something mandatory from a young age, then later on it is performed automatically.

You are important

This point is connected with the first one, because playing in the same team shows kids that they are taken seriously. Not all children like to work, because often we are lazy in nature – it’s easier that way (as long as we have someone who will do the work for us). However, this is a reason to talk, to include them in important things, and explain what a family really is and that they are its important part. Let’s remember that children are new here, and they have to learn everything.

Respect for work

Kids don’t respect work because they simply don’t know how much effort it takes. And why would they know? They have to learn it. And it’s best to learn through practice. I’ve read somewhere (and absolutely can not recall what research it was),that kids don’t respect parents who do everything for them. You know the deal: there’s a mom who does everything, cleans, does the laundry, cooks, stitches, arranges, rearranges, etc. In the eyes of the child – she is not a loving and caring mother. She is a servant. In order to understand someone’s sacrifice, one has to understand what is it that the person sacrifices. And in order to understand that, one has to experience it.

Independence

Let’s start with the bogus-dusting. In time, we evolve into actually vacuuming, taking out the trash, doing the laundry and sorting it. Then there is shopping, or preparing meals. Someday kids will go to college, form their own families, and all of those things are going to have a huge impact on the comfort of their lives (and the lives of their spouses and children).

School of character

The cliché saying states that in order for a diamond to be formed, an immense pressure is required. Or something like that… Anyway, it means that if we’ll take every obstacle out of the child’s way we are going to bring up a wimp, unable to slice bread at the age of 15 or 20. We have a beautiful word – unbreakable. And I would like my children to be like that. To try to solve a problem, beat it instead of running away! Character is formed over the course of years, by a multitude of small things, among which are house chores.

But be careful: encourage, don’t terrorize

In all of this there is a relatively high risk of introducing terror into the household. It’s something to be careful about. I am a supporter of teaching through giving an example. I actively participate in house works, and thanks to this I can always say: “do it with me” instead of “do it for me”. I try to encourage, even though sometimes an order has to be given. Although, all in the spirit of love, explaining why is it important, why we have to work. Diligence is good. Even Paul in his Second Letter to the Thessalonians writes: “The one who is unwilling to work shall not eat!”. I have precisely such a protestant work ethic.

It’s not always easy, but always worth it. Taking small steps, calmly, happy. For example, today I was with my son at a construction site and we’ve arranged the garden. We were really tired, but it was fun. We’ve made a fire, I dug through quite a piece of ground, while Szymo picked up branches. A moment ago (I’m writing this in the evening) he came to me and out of the blue hugged me and said: thanks dad for the nice day. But damn, we really got our hands dirty at the construction site today! That’s great because I can see the effects of years of upbringing in one unified manner.

They’ve carried out a research at Harvard

And finally about the research I’ve mentioned at the beginning. The research states that children who are engaged in household chores are more successful in their professional careers. Performing these chores has a strong impact on their future work ethics. Good habits make life easier to such an extent that they usually impacts the general feeling of happiness in adulthood. What’s important, the sooner they start – the better.

Best wishes,
Zuch

---

If you like this article, do not forget to share it with your friends! Please also consider following my account. Once a week I try to publish a slightly longer article (like this one) and even more often you can find on my profile new episodes of The Office Tales.