We pacify our kids with smartphones, but should we?

My mother was an amazing woman and teacher. Sure, I'm biased, but she has the professional accolades to show for her professional accomplishments and passion. When I became a teacher, she was an endless resource for suggestions on creativity, motivation, and classroom management. One of the gems she gave me for facing an unruly child was to ask myself, "Is this the hill I want to die on?" Even though I only spent five years in classroom teaching, I heeded her advice often and picked my battles as best I could. Now that I'm a father of two, this tidbit has taken on a whole new meaning.

The battle line has been drawn.

One issue I've chosen to fight until I take the hill is the fight against my kids having any sort of access to a smartphone or tablet.

When my son was born, the idea of him using a smartphone wasn't on my mind. You could say I had bigger things on my mind, like trying to figure out why he was crying or how to put a diaper on. At first it was pretty much smooth sailing when it came to smartphones, I mean, no one was trying to show him an iPhone, let alone play with one.

Around the time he started walking though, people we knew–even strangers–would whip out their smartphone to show him something. He was like a moth to a flame. At first we told people not to do it, simply because we didn't want him to break it. You can never predict every throw a child makes. You might catch some, but you won't catch them all and it's kind of hard to console someone when their fancy new phone gets broken by a toddler.

Soon we fell into the habit of pacifying him with a pre-approved cartoon or animated movie on one our smartphones. This happened most often in the car as we tried to train him to sit alone in his car seat. My wife would hold her phone from the front passenger seat so our son could see whatever she decided to play. This led to him dictating what he wanted to watch and since he couldn't speak he used other forms to express himself which was grunting or screaming if we played the wrong thing. This was the first warning sign for me. Even though we didn't let him hold it, I didn't like what I was seeing.

Eventually we got to the point that our son's language delay was a concern. When we asked out pediatrician about it, our son was now over two years old, the doctor told us to stop pacifying our son with smartphones. He gave other advice as well, but I jumped on the no smartphone business. I knew it would require more time and effort on our part, but I was motivated.

What have I seen change?

Our son's language delay did not change over night. It's ongoing and takes a lot of hands on teaching, coaching, and encouragement. But here are the major changes I've seen so far.

1. His creativity has improved.

Up to this point, our son's behavior was concerning us. He often got frustrated because he couldn't express himself and there were two things he wanted: food and entertainment. If we couldn't guess exactly what it was fast enough, a tantrum was soon to follow. Once we cut out the smartphone and introduced play dough, baby legos, crayons, and building blocks he soon started to gravitate away from the smartphone and on to the physical toys. Play dough is one of his favorites now and his attention to detail and realistic shapes has really surprised us. The only thing I remember making at a similar age to his was snakes and balls.

This is a stegosaurus he made around his 4th birthday. It's hard to take a photo of his work for he often balls up whatever he created and starts over when we try to take a picture.

2. He is more rambunctious than other kids in public.

Whenever we take our kids out, they're super active and run around a lot. Compared to other kids, ours simply look out of control. At first I thought it was simply because our kids were not as disciplined at other kids, but soon I started to notice a common thread among the more well behaved kids. Most had smartphones in their hands!

I'm not dismissing the fact that some kids with smartphones may be more disciplined than my kids, but surely not all of them could be. For the most part, they're pacified.

3. He interacts with others more.

Similar to the point above, I still find this to be an important point. Too many times when getting a smartphone in his hand, our son would draw back to hold on to the phone. You could actually see him going into another world. He would let you or the owner of the phone hold him, but you were there mainly to assist him watching what was on the screen or choose the next thing he wanted to watch. Ever since he's lost access to smartphones he interacts more with others, and since more than often than not that means us, his parents, we're more than happy to keep the smartphone ban active until his late teenage years.

It's Worse that Pacification

Giving children access to smartphones is more dangerous than many people think. I plan to write another article soon on the dangers I've learned about through hours of reading and research into the topic. Until then, what do you think? Am I overreacting? Are smartphones not a problem for your kids? I don't have all the answers and I'd love to hear what works for you. Let me know in the comments!