Profound Parenting Value of the Day...Forgiveness
My wife is an east Texas girl - she has an internal compass that says my way or the highway - she's an amazing mom b/c she is able to clearly line out boundary lines for our kids, and train them up...and she's hot...but thats beside the point...
As our kids are growing things are becoming more logical, and we are getting to the hearts of our kids. Their little brains are wrestling with things like my brother will be here for the rest of my life...that revelation can be good and bad depending on the moment...but the hard black and white line of right vs wrong is getting invaded by this grey blob of thought.
It's amazing - and I am so glad this convo is coming up for my wife and I...
What we are finding is that we are getting frustrated with something like their rooms not being clean. For my daughter this started like a clear pick up your room. She understood that was the expectation early on. She has been doing it for several years. Great right?
Lately, its been getting less and less picked up. On a Saturday morning (cleaning day) I will walk by her room and be amazed at how the majority of her clothes are on her floor. My initial response will be to use by firm Dad voice (which my wife rebukes me for...everytime...okay its me yelling) - she will then come running up and I will let her know my thoughts about her not doing her job. She will generally comply from a sense of defeat.
Great in that she's doing her job -
I am getting behavior modification - but I am totally missing her heart - and degrading my ability to maintain a relationship with my daughter where she feels safe.
This happens many times in a given week - with different context. And I feel bad about it, especially when my wife has to point out to me my error...but just feeling bad about it doesn't do anything. I am able to constantly restore and support a safe relationship with my kids when I get down on their level and ask them to forgive me for coming off harsh.
It can be intimidating telling a 7 year old you messed up - but its amazing what it does in the relationship.
In the example above, when I come back to my daughters room - get on her level, look her in the eye, she forgives me everytime. I am then able to ask her why she hasn't been cleaning her room - which will generally lead to a teachable moment...
So - do you need to ask your kids to forgive you? Have you been harsh, frustrated, or even mean? You will be their parent for the rest of their life, and I'd encourage you to ask forgiveness...often
thanks for following along
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try and build relationships with people that are interested in the same things as you.
I ask my almost five year old for forgiveness a lot! This year has taught me anger management and temperance. And to let go. And to give STUFF away. Tangible stuff. Emotional stuff. God can handle it! I love parenthood- what an eye-opening, humbling, reality-shattering blessing!
thanks for following along!
I'm glad you showed your daughter that you're human too and have daily stresses. Also need to forgive yourself after adjustments are made.
so true - acting like your some super human doesn't work - my older two have also started letting me know when Im coming of angry or acting like a jerk...initially shocking - but really quite an intimate thing
Between my partner and I, I'm almost always the bad cop. I'm the one with the "stern parent voice". It's important that our children understand what we're angry about (so I make it a pont to talk to them after I've calmed down) but it's equally important that they know there will be consequences for their actions. Of course when they were younger, I was quite lenient but now that they're much older (13 and 10) I find it necessary to let them know that small things you don't do right can lead to big things that are really wrong.
I think you're doing a great job in asking forgiveness from your kids but don't beat yourself too much about it. We're parents. It's our job to be parents. ☺
thanks! appreciate it - and way to be present with your kids
My 5 year old is now pointing out when we are not following the rules that we have set out for him!
"Umm dad, no tablets at the table!"
It is funny making rules for him has ended up helping me follow my own rules and become a better dad!
haha! nice
What a wonderful post! Being a daddy of two, i can very well relate to it!
Upvoted, and following you to read more of your parenting experiences!
thanks! ill trade ya some parenting tips for a motorcycle? straight up?
parenting tips for motorcycling tips?
Done deal!
haha! as soon as I get up to India - been around Bangalore but never up to Delhi - would need some motorcycle tips cruising around their and not destroying myself...convinced a rickshaw driver to let me drive once...its was a wild experience
do visit up north sometimes! A motorbike ride in the Himalayas is nothing less than magical :)
Feel free to ping me up whenever you are in Delhi and need some help related to motorcycles :)
@breakthrough, asking for forgiveness from our children is an important life lesson.
cool! love hearing this. We don't have kids yet. But I like getting started on the tips ( :
adventure unlike any other...
This is a wonderful post and very educational for young parents. Thank you for sharing!
you bet - thanks for following along
Always a good life