Validation

Yesterday I spent the day working in the emergency room. One of my tasks was to do the admission assessments for all patients before they were transferred to their rooms on the medical/surgical floors.

In the course of one of my assessments, the caregiver and daughter of a patient confessed to me that she was overwhelmed by the care of her father, who is in his 90's, and isn't sure if she can keep going with it much longer. This is a kind daughter who has been actively involved with the care of her father for many years. She and her husband changed their living situation to accommodate and honor his wishes to live with family. She also has a job and social commitments.

I was trying to hurry along the assessment process, but I immediately knew that this was a very important opportunity for me to care for her, not just the patient.

"You know what?" I said to her, "we actually have a name for that. We call what you're experiencing 'caregiver role strain.' It's a real thing and it's okay to feel overwhelmed. It has been important to care for your father, but it is also okay to admit that things have changed and now it may be more than you can handle."

She sort of blinked in surprise and actually got tears in her eyes and said, "Thank you. Thank you for legitimizing what I'm experiencing."

I don't know what will happen in this case, but I am glad that I was able to validate the daughter's feelings as she processes the difficulty of her situation.

Sometimes caring is not just in the doing. It is actually stopping to face a person and acknowledging their feelings and struggles.