New Year, New You? OR New Year, Same You?

There's no single right way to make the best out of this new year. However, in my desperation to understand the cycle of life and what makes people tick, I went around to search and I found a few things some people said were the most impactful things they did last year and how they achieved them.

I have also done some introspection by observation and these are the results.

(1.) Manage your social relationships better. For your mental health this year, please, have a favourite person. The most impactful thing you can do for yourself is to have a meaningful conversation with somebody you really like "face-to-face” almost every day.

(2.) Kindness improves your wellbeing. We have friends we haven’t talked to in a while. We have also seen strangers and desired to compliment them, but we were wondering, "Will my friend respond? Will the stranger think I'm 'famzing' them?" Well, why don't you do it for yourself?

Most times we often talk ourselves out of low-lift kindness due to the fear of embarrassment. But showing kindness to other people has a tremendous effect on our selfhood, and also drastically improves our wellbeing. Try it and see. This year, show a little kindness.

(3.) It costs zero naira to journal. Try to leave certain details of your life in print. Capture all your memories and make simple reflections. It could be a voicenote, it could be scribbles on your Notes App. It could even be a picture photograph or social media journos.

After doing that, take a few minutes before bedtime or anytime during the day to think back on these moments - especially the ones you wish to remember. Without doing too much, you'll feel very fulfilled. I don't know the magic behind this one, but I already do it and it works.

(4.) Pick a hobby. Think of something, any activity you will love to join; could be a Book Club, a Jazz Club, Support Groups, Sports Groups, Religious Communities, etc. Belong to a community. Find a group of people who will make room for you and allow you participate.

The feeling of belonging and contributing to something meaningful gives you a reason to wake up every day. A lot of us unmistakably suffer bout of loneliness. While we're gathering our monies, try to find time to chill and relax. Belonging to a community improves your wellbeing.

(5.) Be friends with children. Children are interesting conversation partners. I learnt from a 6yrs-old how to the eclipse of the sun works, in details. Also learnt that Octopuses have three hearts: two pumps blood to the gills, while the third pumps to rest of the body.

From the outside of my gate till I get to my apartment, I hug, carry and give high-fives to almost all the children who sing my name like an anthem. I call most of them my children.

(6.) Apologise like your life depends on it. Acknowledging wrongdoing is difficult. And apologising can be even more difficult. But apologies should be more than just saying sorry. An effective apology should contain the apology and acknowledgement for the reason of the apology.

Follow this with an assurance not to do wrong again; and then an explanation for the way you've acted - this is depending on if they need to hear the explanation in the first place. Lastly, conclude with a plan on how to fix things to avoid circling back to the problem again.

Trust me, this will help you a great lot. I have experienced and witnessed it first-hand and I know the feeling, especially when it is with your lover.

(7.) Express emotions. Look for expressive ways to describe emotions. People will be unable to understand you if you don't let them understand you. How do you feel? I feel like a knife has been inserted into my back, and is being squeezed by the one person I trusted the most. (Some people can do things but it wasn't their intention to hurt you. This was one-time my reality).

Sadly, I think that western therapy has offered us complex sounding words that only pass for catchphrases. Words like gaslighting for instance, have become so misconstrued. Instead of relying on big sounding terms, try to be descriptive when discussing your emotions and experience. We are not all mind readers.

(8.) Know when to quit. I must say that I agree with this one even though I constantly talk about holding on. On your own accord know when holding on will prove detrimental to you. This year, wield the power of knowing when to walk away. Some situations do not serve you any good. You either serve or be served.

(9.) Lastly, don't take advice from everyone. Yes. Feel free to ignore everything you've just read if it does not align with your life. Advice is only good advice if it's applicable. Once an advice is not practical, it can be good advice for everyone, but not for you.

My friends, I think that anything that brings joy to others or helps them in some way also helps us too. I've tasked myself to pick one or two of these and tag with them. I think they're practical enough. With this, I'll say cheers to 2025; the beginning of our best years yet.