My Friend Ryu Microwaves Laptops - Lifetime Return Policy Gone At L.L. Bean & Other Abuse Stories

Ah, margins. They sure are getting tight as we hit the limits of what Wall Street accounting wizardry can do to make any pig look profitable.

Sometimes, you actually have to cut costs. Naturally, customer benefits and satisfaction are the first place to start these days. Thus, it is no huge surprise that LL Bean has decided that their century-old, "no questions asked" return policy is next on the chopping block.

You have to read to the bottom to get an explanation for this.

In all fairness to L.L. Bean, one can only imagine the amount of abuse they must have been getting. Oh, wait, we don't actually have to, as it has been well-publicized exactly what kind of abuse they have been receiving:

He really took my article "Code Is Law" to heart.

This sort of "corporate abuse", normally the kind I'd be less concerned with, has been (anecdotally) increasing in recent years along with the cost of living. A friend recently relayed a story of his friend's (we'll call him...Ken) failed insurance scam scheme, wherein Ken destroyed his own car with a sledgehammer in order to (attempt to) claim a rather hefty damages check.

I don't think Ken really understood deductibles and insurance payees before he cooked this masterpiece up.

I had another friend who, in high school, used to work at Best Buy part-time. Let's call him Ryu^. He made it a part-part-time job to learn how to take advantage of every possible warranty and replacement option available to keep himself in the newest technology forever. He discovered that if he purchased the full replacement plan, he could simply "drop" his laptop near the end of his 2-year term. Since by then the laptop was usually discontinued, he would generally receive not only a replacement but an actual upgrade due to availability. He would then add a replacement plan onto the new laptop.

Of course, being the relatively obvious...let's call it a scheme, as it's not exactly a scam...that it was, it didn't take too long for Best Buy to get wise. They soon stopped paying out on simple kinetic (drop) damage; only real manufacturer hardware failures would be eligible for replacement. Ryu, having a shrewd business sense that is in no way associated with his namesake (who was best known for flying around the world to fight spectator bouts for free), didn't let this stop him. He started looking for creative ways to make his laptop appear to have failed that were outside his control.

Apparently, he considered water damage as an option but decided it was both too identifiable and still too likely to be considered his "fault". Being a handy type and entirely capable of building his own PCs, he struck gold when he realized he could remove components, tamper with them, then replace them. I suspect he rejected the hard drive + magnet equation since it, too, is a bit obvious.

First, let's make sure your drivers are up to date...

You already know what he did from the title of this post. He removed the hard drive on each laptop whenever he wanted a new one, microwaved the hard drive, then replaced it. Even if they could figure out what he did, it's still hard to sell a warranty rejection because "the customer appears to have deliberately microwaved it" is almost impossible to prove.

Frankly, for the record, I'm not a big fan of it. Dishonestly doesn't become acceptable automatically because the target is, itself, potentially a bloodsucking vampire. It's a case-by-case basis. One must also consider who the real "victims" will be. In the case of Ryu's egregious laptop replacement fun, I'm sure the victim is anyone who bought a laptop at Best Buy or purchased a replacement plan, as he no doubt contributed in some slight magnitude towards increasing the price of both. If Best Buy took the hit, then it would be their shareholders; a group perhaps less sympathetic, but no less deserving, than their customers.

At any rate, I hope those regularly flogging the corporate pocketbook for gain engage in enough restraint that I can continue to get my shipping for free at Amazon. Those unlimited free returns and willingness to replace small items without shipping defectives back could be dealy.

Let us not take our lead from the lady who returned her Christmas tree to Costco in January..."because it was dead"...successfully.

^I am neither Ken nor Ryu. Seriously. I do pick Ken when pressed into street-fighting service, however.

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