Looking for Diane Reynolds, aka Chelsea Clinton?

For those that do not know, Chelsea Clinton used the alias Diane Reynolds. As a result of that fact, I'm going to prove the alphabet agencies do protect her and how I'm on my THIRD computer and how it has been close to trashed as I was looking for someone from my high school days. The question, should Chelsea or one of the alphabet agencies buy, provide me, with my next computer? Seems they can't restore my reputation. Years ago during high school, I met a lady named Linda Reynolds, she became pregnant and said she named her daughter after me. Going through my album, I found a pixture of baby Diana Reynolds. Almost 50 years later, I wanted to find Linda or Diana Reynolds on the web. No hits, none ... I began looking for Dianna and Diane Reynolds. MISTAKE, two almost three computers later. (1) My computer would switch to airplane mode, all by itself. (2) Cursor would be jumping all over the place and I found myself trying to catch it. (3) Keyboard would stop working, now I'm probably one of the only people to find the onboard screen keyboard. (4) No sound, volume time and time again would be turned off or low. (5) Playing Angry Birds, they would fly backwards. (6) Sharing the insanity on FB made ME look insane. (7) My computer screen would change from 30% to 200% all by itself. (7) Had people attack me via private message and for the life of me I didn't know why I found myself defending myself. (8) Had some people message me asking me if I was drunk? Totally confused, more than once I deleted every thing on FB, the more I tried to share my high strangeness situation, the more I shared, the more I appeared to have lost my marbles and probably drunk. Even had a screen pop up a couple of times telling me I could no longer post ... drunk posting? (9) Twice, computers went blue screen no hope to recover. (10) I'm creative by nature, not computer savvy and could have never came up with this high strangeness. You can only imagine at that moment when I learned about Diane Reynolds aka Chelsea Clinton and how it affected my life and checkbook. What do you say, do they owe me a computer?