Positive thinking vs Negative thinking

I set out to change my thinking, and it is difficult, although those thoughts where I wanted to end my life have not returned, others are still there, and that is that life is a reverend stupidity, I have wonderful people at my side who accompany me day by day.

But the thoughts that question everything have remained, and sometimes they make a mess in my head. They put me in a bad mood, it's tiring. And I'm only here to fight them because they're only in my head and nobody else's.

How I would like it to be like in RPG games (roll player game or role-playing games) because I have the perfect companions, me representing a healer-tank that heals, attacks and protects the whole party, I like those characters although they are the slowest to climb when they go alone, even slower to kill, but they are also difficult to handle.

My perfect party are the two of them, Aquarius and Pisces, and it is that even I identify them in their roles, Pisces would be a sorcerer or wizard, he learns magic that becomes very powerful, killing with great speed the enemies but they are very fragile to physical attacks and you have to heal them because they have a lot of knowledge that you did not know they had.

Aquarius on the other hand would be a hunter, distant and nearby attacks, accurate and agile. They like to understand their surroundings, the knowledge necessary to get ahead, even if they are physically fragile, they have a lot of evasion, an ability that makes them difficult to kill but that still needs to be cured when the attacks come.

But this time I'm alone, in a role-playing game, being a cleric and being with a horde of monsters and with some boss is tiring killing because the attack power is so low.

And so I begin, a struggle not very simple, sometimes small enemies and sometimes more difficult. But the important thing for me is to keep on fighting, even though I feel like I'm only sometimes being accompanied because at least I know they're cheering me on, even if they don't say it all the time.

Just getting started and staying positive about putting an end to all those thoughts is what will probably get me out of where I am. There are things that don't seem to me and I try to turn my thoughts around, there are times when I get angry over nothing and try to calm down. While there aren't many days since I said I would start but I think I didn't realize that there are already too many things around that are going to be a little difficult to get out.

And so the month ends but another month begins.