Cellist Yo-Yo Ma Scheduled to Fight Hologram of Frank Zappa
A bizarre and slightly unexpected rift has opened between music-lovers today, after world-renowned cellist Yo-Yo Ma angrily challenged the returned hologram form of Frank Zappa to a two-enter-one-leaves cage match following an altercation Monday evening. It seems the feud began when the Zappa documentary Eat That Question was set to supplant Yo-Yo Ma's movie The Music of Strangers in several theatres around the world. Cinema owners cited the expected greater success of the Zappa documentary, as well as showing their tattoos of Zappa quotes, lyrics, and of course the iconic facial hair. This prompted some supporters of Ma to "reveal" their tattoos of Ma's own facial hair, but being clean-shaven these valiant supporters were quickly revealed as frauds.
The feud went public when Ma arrived at a cinema in Singapore to answer questions about the upcoming film, and was instead greeted by thronging crowds surrounding the newly created Hologram-Zappa, who was at the time glue-brushing his own posters over top of Ma's. The furious cellist attempted to take a swing at the happy hologram, but was just barely held back by his associates before any harm came to either of the genius musicians.
Though they themselves are (as of yet) unharmed, the rift quickly enveloped the followers of each musician, forcing fans to pick sides and escalating to several violent outbreaks at music venues throughout the world.
In his usual intense style, Holo-Zappa went on record denouncing Ma for his jealousy, claiming he "is barely even a musician" and that he "hasn't even got one song about butt-fucking." Ma replied on Twitter, saying:
"This just shows how little Frank Zappa knows about music. All classical music is about butt-fucking. #getwiththetimesyouzombiebastard"
He later called a press conference openly challenging Holo-Zappa to a cagematch - even implying he was ready to kill the already dead musician. "I don't intend to fight him unarmed." He told his Twitter followers. "I will have my bow."
To which Zappa replied,
"and I my Axe"