Practical advices for those who feel unworthy of better life
Success seems like a big goal for many people today. It is often seen as being beautiful, wealthy, employed in a good job, and having lots of diplomas.
Sometimes it feels like these ideal images are everywhere. Social media shows perfect photos, fashion magazines talk about trends, and Forbes lists young successful people.
It’s hard not to compare ourselves. Soon, doubt and worry creep in. We start to believe we have many flaws and few achievements. This often happens when we compare to successful, good-looking, rich men and women.
The more we compare, the more we judge our lives against others’ success. It’s like changing the view through different glasses. What matters less is how a star got their abs—whether through trainers or habits—and more that they have them. If we don’t, we wonder what’s wrong with us.
This focus on what we lack makes us feel disappointed. We may begin to think we don’t deserve happiness. If someone as talented or beautiful as Monica Bellucci can expect love, why can’t we? That thought, "I’m not good enough," stays in our minds.
We tend to reject our flaws and believe we must improve first. We think that only after working hard on ourselves can we hope for love and kindness.
If we keep criticizing ourselves instead of accepting who we are, it leads to stress, anger, and burnout. Guilt makes us chase impossible ideals. When our energy runs out, we stop. Then feelings of shame set in, and the cycle starts all over again, shaking our nerves.
To escape this cycle, focus on changing what’s inside, not what others are doing. The real problem is that harsh inner voice that always criticizes us.
That voice compares us to wealthy people or stars. It reminds us of their perfect bodies or happy relationships. It tells us we are not enough.
We can’t win by trying to outdo this critic. Most of us aren’t born rich or famous. We don’t have endless time to fix ourselves or paint perfect pictures. Instead, we should fight back. Show that we deserve good things too.
Here’s how:
Write down what others can do but you can’t. What qualities in others do you deny yourself? Make a list. For example, you might regret not finishing school. But does dropping out make Bill Gates a failure?
Look at each double standard. Ask why it’s okay for others but not for you. Think about where those ideas come from. Why is Steve Jobs admired even after being fired from Apple? (This is optional.)
Change each belief. Make it so that either everyone can do it or no one can. Or flip the standard the other way. For example, instead of saying "No one can refuse a request," say "I can give or refuse requests just like anyone else."
Follow these simple steps to be kinder to yourself. Stop trying to beat the critic. Remember you are just as deserving as anyone else.