Mothering Kaia May

Fair warning to you followers out there: likely much of what I post will be about being a Mom and exploring the journey of parenthood with my daughter, Kaia May. She is 18 months now. This photo is one of my favorites of us and was taken in the Ozarks a year ago by Neil Rosenbaum.
When I was little I loved playing with babydolls. My mother still has a few of my favorites. I took them with me everywhere.
Kaia now loves babydolls too! This is Kaia and her doll "Alice" that her Dad SWEARS she named (at like 11 months before she was saying a whole lot).

I first heard my little one whispering to me as I lay naked, sunbathing, in the Ozark hills about 9 years ago. I had just met my significant other and sensed a pull of destiny. The presence felt like a calm, loving, joyous hello. I got the sense it was my future baby, spying on me, getting a sense for who I was. Or, maybe I was ovulating and my hormones were telling me to procreate! Haha! Who knows!! But, since that day I was pretty sure I would one day be a Mother. There were a few fears along the way. The main was when I had to have a procedure done to remove pre-cancerous cells on my cervix, and I was concerned that the procedure would mean I would have a harder time carrying a baby to full term. But, not too worry, she ended up being 10 days "late"!!

I know all you parents out there get this, but watching her grow, hearing her say new words, mimic things she's seen or heard, playing with her, showing her the world, watching her peacefully sleep, it's the most magical thing I've ever experienced. However, it can also be quite tiring, and at times worrisome. Just yesterday I called the nurse line because she pooped 7 times in one day! Not to worry though, she's fine.

Being a Mother feels natural to me. Loving her is the easiest thing on the planet. Nursing her was amazing. The days were long but they also sped by. Going to back to work after too short a time with her was heart-wrenching. Since having Kaia, I've cried more tears than since I was an angsty teenager. Despite being an overly-optimistic, happy-go-lucky person, I even self-diagnosed Postpartum/Situational Depression not too long after she was born. Extra therapy and a few months of zoloft got me feeling tons better (no, I'm not as all-natural as I aspire to be). I know when to ask for help. I also know I will not have a life-long dependency.

So, the world spins, and I catch up with all the goings on of my friends on social media. New precious babies are born. I show them to Kaia on my phone and she exclaims "Baby! Baby!". Sometimes she asks to see babies on my phone. I wonder if she'll ever be a mother. I pray that the planet will be clean enough for her to experience motherhood and that her babies will have fresh air to breathe, clean water to drink, and chemical-free food. My other job, besides Mothering, is being an Environmentalist. I have been this my whole life. But, now that Kaia May is here, I do it for HER. My desperate hopes and dreams for a clean, livable planet Earth go beyond myself to HER and the babies and grandbabies and great grandbabies (and so on) of my friends and loved ones....and FOR ALL OF HUMANITY.

So, if you've made it this far with me I will now give you a bit of a preview of what is to come. Look for random neat photography, Kaia's birth story at some point, a post titled "Why I choose not to take the Rhogam Shot," probably some environmental/Mother Earth-loving posts, parenting posts, Kansas City posts, Ozark posts, etc. Expect transparency, open-mindedness, photos of me with my daughter where I'm not wearing makeup that I probably won't post on other social media sites, and well...FUN.
Thanks for being here!

Sylvia Tegan