Poetry: Letter to Mama

Letter to Mama

I am like you, mama
It's wonderful
It's terrifying
All my life, I loved you
Your breathless laughter
Powerful gentle hands
Self-assured eyes
That ocean-like calmness
All my life, I loved you
And judged you
Your strengths
Your weaknesses
Your ability to forgive easily and your reluctance to
Your tough exterior and your warmth
For being too kind and for not being kind enough
I judge you
For your endless dreams and boundless positivity
For your equally endless worries
Your fears and your courage
I couldn't for the life of me settle for what unsettled me about you
Every day felt like a constant struggle to gain your smile
And never your frown
Wanted your approval and wanted none of you
Loved you fiercely
Judged you just as fiercely
Who were you, you strange enigma?
Such a complex blend of complexities
That seemed to mirror mine
Now I see
It's clearer, mama
I see you in myself
Myself in you
Not strange afterall
I am half-woven with your genetic fabric
I see myself becoming you
Away from you
An individual yet a part of you
To understand myself, I look at you
To understand you, I look at myself
Strange isn't it?
Makes total sense
As I warmly embrace the parts of me that mirror your strengths, I am gladdened
The fears, worries and flaws however scare the shit out of me
I wanted no part of this package but it's a full bargain I guess
So I accept the best part of me
The worst of me
I accept
I am you, mama
It's wonderful
It's terrifying