noscoobies-drew clearing his head.

*If you are reading this, know that the content in writing is for my own personal benefit first, and the benefit of those reading second.

Let me start my 1st Steemit post with this picture.

This is where I'm currently sitting, with my chair at the end of my bed, writing this article. My desk is a cardboard box from The Home Depot, reinforced with my whiteboard underneath.

Do you want to know more?

"Sure, your desk isn't a real desk, but at least you have two laptops and a monitor to work off of."

I agree. I've been blessed my whole life. I've had parents that've always loved, cared, and provided for me. They always gave me what I asked for, so long as I lived to their expectations and standards. That's how I got these computers. The Macbook was a Christmas present in 8th grade (2010), and the Microsoft Surface they bought for me when I was entering college, as it was part of the required materials for my major.

Yeah, so, that was three years ago. I was blessed back then, and I've been even more blessed to have them as my parents since. I have been a terrible fucking student throughout my college career and they've continued to be there for me. I've failed classes numerous times and have now dropped out twice. I am not in classes currently. If I were like my friends I entered into college with, I would be graduating this Spring of 2019. I am not.

I'll get into how my parents have been an even better blessing for me later. Right now, I want to return to talking about my cardboard desk. I want to talk about why I decided to throw this together only just an hour ago.

The obvious answer is I don't have a real desk. I moved into my new apartment, ten hours from home, at the end of August. I haven't had the money to buy one since, and I didn't think I really needed one. I've been working at my table in my kitchen and it's been fine, I guess, up until now.

Today I woke up thinking differently. If I'm being honest, it's because I've been depressed as fuck this past week. I've been fighting diagnosed anxiety and depression for a year now, and since then I've personally been able to better understand the saying, "Life comes in waves".

If that's the case, and f(x)= my happiness/self confidence, I am currently fighting another battle @ x=3pi/2.

Without delving into too much detail about why, I'll just say that it's because I let my romantic life tangle with my social life. This girl I came to fall in love with told me we couldn't be together and, her reasons for that aside, I can't help but feel like it's really because I'm not the the man I want to be. "If I were the perfect man", I told myself, "she would be mine."

So yeah, my personal life is hurting a little bit.

However, on that note, let me talk about one of the books I read over the summer that has opened my eyes more to my own problems with anxiety and depression and how I should handle it. Maybe it'll help you to better understand why I decided to write all this.

The book I read over the summer was called 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck' by Mark Manson. One of the most important takeaways I had from this book was, no matter how horrific the things a person may do to you are, it is not their responsibility to understand how that makes you feel, and it is not their responsibility to fix it. How YOU feel is solely up to you, and it is ONLY your responsibility to fix it.

Now let me take that little lesson and try to apply it to my own life. I said I'm depressed and it's because I feel like I'm not the man I want to be. The man I envision myself being in my head.

Gotta go back in time a little for that. I decided to drop out midway through the first semester of my Freshman year because I found myself caught-up in trying to learn how to trade Forex. I set goals for myself and, even back then, I had the same vision of who I wanted to be as I do now.

I wanted to obtain enough money so that I could be with and provide for the people who loved me first on the drop of a dime. I don't want financials to be the thing that holds me back from choosing what I'd like to do every day I wake up on this splendid, beautiful, and ever-intriguing Earth. I want the problems that I see before my own eyes to be the decider of that.

But I'm not yet that man. For three years I've unsuccessfully invested my money in numerous things online. I've driven myself to the point of dropping out of the same school AGAIN (two more years down the line) and then CHOOSING to continue living at that school (still ten hours away from home) so that I could learn to provide for myself and FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT.

But I can barely still even do that. My job, with the hours I've been getting, can't keep me afloat.

This is how my parents have been even more of a blessing. They've STILL helped me to pay for my rent and some of my expenses so that I can figure this shit out. After all I've put them through, they are STILL doing this for me. They WANT me to figure this shit out, so that I can be the man I have wanted to be for, what feels like, a long time now.

So I HAD to create this makeshift desk. I had to isolate myself from this world I live in. I had to focus on writing these words so that I could tell a story and clear my own head in the meantime.

I had to focus on fixing the biggest problem in my life. Money.

Lol, that's why I decided to make a Steemit account. So that whenever I write things down for the use of clearing my own thoughts, I could potentially get money for it.

This article is just one step closer to achieving my own vision of myself. Like I said, I'm just writing this for my own use. I need to clear my head, and I need to plan out what my next move will be.

While nothing I've learned in the past three years has worked for me, it doesn't mean I won't find the method that does work.

In the next article I write, I will create a definitive and clear trading plan for myself to follow. The trading plan will focus on choosing the trades that (I believe) have the highest chance of winning. It will also focus on protecting profits, accounting for the next inevitable losing trade I have.