If You Thought "Calm Down" Was a Bad Phrase...

Almost three weeks ago, I posted about a two-word phrase that is just irritating and frustrating: "Calm down." (See: https://steemit.com/mental-health/@phoenix32/calm-down-a-rant)

"Don't worry."

Dude... I cannot possibly begin to tell you how aggravating that is, because I was not worried, not one bit.

Some context here... I like knowing stuff. I don't necessarily like sharing that I know stuff, but I have a love of learning, I enjoy learning how things operate and function. And I like to know what is going on for some things in the immediate future, so sometimes I speculate.

And, as a result of my TBI (Traumatic Brain Incident, see: https://steemit.com/mental-health/@phoenix32/the-strangest-of-days-or-how-a-traumatic-brain-incident-altered-my-life-inexorably), I also tend to get fixated on certain things, particularly with regards to things that stand out in my mind.

As a seminarian progresses through his time at the seminary and approaches ordination, there are minor orders to which we are called. This coming Saturday, my classmates and I will be instituted as Lectors, which means that (technically), we are the ones who are to proclaim the Word of God for the First & Second Readings and the Responsorial Psalm. There are some more technicalities that go along with it, but those are not relevant for this post.

And while this is a cool thing, there is another dimension to this, as the Bishop of my home Diocese will be at the seminary next week to celebrate Mass and join the seminary community for dinner. What that means for us is that myself and my diocesan brothers are on the button for serving at Mass. While that's not a big deal, per se, it is really important to make sure that if I am serving, I will be on my "A+" game, not just my "A" game. So I have been waxing as to who is going to be scheduled to serve as Lector - either myself or my only diocesan brother who is also a classmate. Admittedly, I have mentioned it a few times, just because (1) I am curious as to how this will play out and (2) I am a bit fixated on it as a result of my TBI. I brought it up at dinner last night, and my classmate-who-is-also-a-diocesan-brother dismissed me by using the words:

"Don't worry."

Really? Really!? OK, man, so here's the deal, here's what I was not:

• I was not worried.
• I was not concerned in a bad way.
• I was not losing sleep on it.
• I was not anxious about it, one way or another.

Here's what I was:

• I was wanting to make certain that I would be properly prepared so as not to embarrass my Bishop or (worse yet) stumble through the Mass.
• I was wanting to be as prepared as possible without wasting my own time.
• I was ****ing curious as anything, because I like knowing things.

Hmmm... it seems like that is a bit much to ask, I suppose, to engage in some harmless speculation that (1) does not involve gossip and (2) brings no harm to anyone in any way whatsoever.

Not only was his reply dismissive, but it was also not an appropriate response - because I was not worried.

People do not realize the power of their words - the tone, the timing, the placement, and the attitude that is conveyed from their body language (yeah, two weeks ago I wrote about that here: https://steemit.com/mental-health/@phoenix32/the-words-we-choose-and-the-words-we-use).

"Don't worry" does not stop anyone from worrying anymore than "Calm down" makes someone calm down.
"Don't worry" stokes up worry where there was none just as "Calm down" stokes up ire where there was none.
"Don't worry" is just as dismissive as "Calm down" is.

So think about it before you tell someone "Don't worry" in a dismissive manner.

Yes, there are times when the phrase is appropriate. Like, if the boss says to you, "Hey, can you stop by my office later today? Please don't worry - you're not in trouble, I promise! I just need your report on the Dunder Mifflin account and I wanted your opinion on the meeting with Jim Halpert and the regional manager Michael Scott."

See? No need to worry there (unless you didn't do the report, but then that's on you, chief). But that's a very rare example, and frankly, most people I know would worry anyway, but even still, there is an attempt to help alleviate an unwarranted fear without being dismissive, insulting, or (frankly) a jerk.

Granted, bosses do not talk like that, because most of them have sold their humanity to have the position of power. But that's for another day.