I might be from Slytherin (Love that never leaves)

Sorry for the pop-culture reference, but we indeed live in an alchemical world.

I hosted a poetry reading recently and one of the questions I asked in a discussion was:

„What is your first booklove, that stays with you until this day?“

I tried to come up with an honest answer for myself and it took me a couple of days. Naturally, I was thinking about all the fairy tales we used to read as children, or the books about the pyramids, mummified Pharaohs and what happened to the dinosaurs. But the book that sparked me truly, was one from the time, when I couldn´t even read or write properly. It just crawled back into my mind, because of a dream I had a few days ago. Literal translation of the title goes as: My friends – the snakes. And you guessed it. It is about snakes - from an author, who has been a reptile enthusiast since an early age. Now this book was certainly handed down by our father, as our mother can´t stand frogs and I´m pretty sure, snakes would fall into the same category.

Plus - the book was there and the father wasn´t. As many clues for the unknown so far.

In the rays of a high noon

Who doesn´t like the sweet inertia of the after lunch naps?
From my experience, it is usually a very light sleep, and a short one, but it is sleep, nevertheless. Could be also healthy. Give it a try.

Its onset is sudden, effortless, and usually accompanied by very vivid dreams - prophetic, allegorical and symbolic in nature. I tend to wake up from them as quick, as I have fallen asleep, because of the strong messages they bestow and also, tend to remember them.

The Dream

We sat on the ground, forming a circle. On the spot opposite me was a bearded man, roughly in his late thirties and he had a drum. There were also young women with us, resembling someone I know in a waking state, I just couldn´t quite recognize their faces.

The allover feeling was of a ceremonial anticipation.
First, I instructed the man to beat the drum. Soon I joined him, by playing the flute or a pipe, that I was holding. I couldn´t get the tone right, just couldn´t execute the technique of the particular instrument properly. All I could get out of it was a flat constrained whistle stuck on my lips. I knew I had to continue, as I was supposed to lead this curious ensemble.

Out of nowhere a wolf like howl came out of my mouth and entered into the pipe, which started to resonate, sending the howl further out.
It was, as if the howl got trapped inside the pipe and it was now circulating amidst all the participants, encouraging the drummer to go for more rapid rhythms, and the women started to be excited, they smiled and laughed.
I noticed a beastly silhouette in the distance, walking towards us. As soon as I realized, it is a wolf, the sound of the pipe changed again.

It was a loud pervasive blow of a conch shell.
A pale white king cobra appeared at the feet of the drummer. I reached towards the middle of our circle and took a small, dry, shriveled leaf off the ground. I did put it in my mouth and crushed it with my teeth. It was crunchy (something like a potato crisp). Then there was a second leaf and I repeated the process. The cobra had one leaf in front of it too, and did also eat it. Right after that, it started to rise to my right side and by making hissing noises, we communicated together. (Yes - hence the title of this article, and no, I did not watch Harry Potter the day before.)

The conversation between me and the snake was reassuring, although I don´t recollect its literal meaning. I just knew, we were allies. There was a split second where fear ensued, because the cobra started to be overly interested in one of the women and it got very close to her face, not reacting to anything I said (hissed). I think, I tried to make sure that it did not attack her. But then the mood changed and the cobra started to kind of cuddle in a very dog like (or wolf) - well, canine manner with her and even its head features became distorted, almost puppy like. Mostly the eyes and the tongue. The woman and the cobra embraced and intertwined.

And then I woke up.

Alchemical world indeed

Now we can call this dream shamanic, or initiatory.
Snake is a very strong symbol, found throughout various indigenous cultures around the world, and so is the wolf. The resemblance of the dream with a motif from J.K. Rowlings´s books is coincidental, but not necessarily random. She did a great research into the esoteric, magical and archetypal.

And we just happen to stumble into these realms in our sleep sometimes.
Of course, I immediately consulted the internet on various meanings of the particular spirit animals, that I encountered.

Wolf: intuition, inner sight, wisdom, facing your fears, leadership, freedom, a shape-shifter, in the land of the Moon, healer, teacher, protector

King cobra: speed, grace, royalty, danger, mystical, regeneration, immortality, wisdom, life and death, persistency, intelligence, from the valley of the Sun, courageous, self-reliant

It seems that the two have many aspects in common. They also embody opposites, when we consider, that one represents Moon and the other Sun energy respectively. One is for the North and West, the other for South and East.

It is hard to trace, and even harder to establish, where these associations stemmed from, yet we can find them everywhere. It was a heroic undergoing that C.G. Jung took part in, when he was able to link the lost art of alchemy to psychology and psychoanalysis. In my humble opinion, these were never separate from each other. The esoteric teachings of the ancients must have been actual depictions of the developmental stages of the human psyche, actually providing guidance in managing them properly. Of course, these notions got side tracked and distorted in the flux of history. However, we still can make meaningful analogies between our mundane reality and the symbols hidden in the unconscious, if we pay attention enough.

Where is the Love part?

The big question in front of us.
There are actually more than one, so please, bear with me for a little longer.

I should make it clear now, why my dream is of any significance. It was preceded by a situation that occurred during the poetry reading I mentioned in the beginning. I prefer not to reveal every detail, as it involves someone really dear to me, and it wouldn´t be fair towards this person, as in the end, we will realize, that I can be the only one, to take the blame, if there is any to be taken.

I asked a friend of mine, with whom I deeply fell in love with, to help me with this event. For me it would mean the world and it´s supposed to be a sign, that our relationship was honest and real and that we have both felt it the same. The naive romantic in me. I was misguided. Not by her, but by my own false perceptions. I entrusted her with a project that was very important and she, in her own mind decided to change the plan and the whole scenario. She actually meant well and I even understood, when she explained afterwards, yet I was startled and became depressed. I couldn´t possibly tell her of my disappointment and disapproval with such behavior. I love her. I can´t lose her because of this. I let it go. But it didn´t let me go.

The following day I felt even worse. I was trying to convince myself, not to make a big deal out of fit, but my anxiety only grew stronger. I couldn´t take it any longer. I wrote her a message in which, I asked for an appointment and she unaware of my deluded viewpoint and hidden anger, agreed to meet me. I was holding my temper and tried to explain how I felt, tried to shift her stance into my perspective. She apologized, but this wasn´t what I was asking of her. I wanted her to understand. To understand my feelings, why I chose her and no one else.

We both got angry with each other, realizing there is no cross between. That late evening, we had to part, barely saying goodbye. At least, I got the load off my chest. I felt better. Then it struck me. I admired her. I was so into her. But could it be called love?

Because what I had seen in her, I have long lost and was longing for it. I couldn´t express real love because of this lacking so I tried to show it through gestures, hoping that she will take it as a confession of pure love. And this wasn´t something she wanted. I also realized, that the trust I had given her was to merely compensate for the lack of self confidence I had. As soon as I came to realize this, I discovered it in me. After a long time. Again. Not in full force, but the last remaining cells, that are still able to be repaired.

The only thing there was to be done, to achieve this state, was to shatter my idealized perception of this woman. I had to get rid of the fear of loosing her, just by realizing, what I am afraid of losing, are the pieces of myself that I projected onto her. And it worked. I am better now. More confident. Our friendship remained. In fact, it got more honest.

Often, this is the sole problem of our existence. We try too hard to prove. Everything to everybody. There is no given time frame, in which we can figure this thing out. It is in fact a cycle, repeating itself on and forever. The aim is to learn and realize this. Because love isn´t only the affectionate part, that we all wish would carry us through life from the cradle to the grave. It is also being open and disagreeing with one another, showing the person we care for, that our ways might just part at certain moments in life, so we can grow individually and then maybe be able to appreciate one another more. So no, I didn´t lose her. I lost nothing.

And later that week, my dream came to me. With all the signs ascribed to it, manifesting the outer workings in the inner space and vice versa. I have stood up to my deepest fear of loss and despair. It is a challenge.
It is a call. It is a sign of love.

That last question is, will I get a large tattoo of King cobra on my back, to keep this wonderful illusion called World alert?

No, I think not.
There is still some skin to be shed.

Images source:
https://pixabay.com/sk/photos/vlk-dravec-lovec-canis-lupus-o%C4%8Di-635063/
https://pixabay.com/sk/photos/king-cobra-kobra-had-plaz-zviera-405623/