Over

"Hi. I miss you. I was wrong. Septopus."

She reads the message, then puts the phone away. Now? After more than a month? And Septopus? She takes it he tries to be funny because that's a word coined by the character in home movies, which they used to watch together at his place and laugh at. Though in this case, it's not funny at all. Why now? Maybe he is lonely and wants some company? What does he think she is? Someone who can just show up or disapper at his will?

"I won't be back in the city until late March. Do you still miss me?" If all he wanted is to meet up and hang out, this would make it clear that we won't be able to meet. Wait. This would sound like I'm assuming that that's what he wants, and it's not good to assume. No. Strike that.

"What do you want." Damn it. This couldn't sound more passive aggressive. It's almost like saying "what the f**k do you want" without actually saying the F word. Well, whatever. At least she didn't assume. She asked.

"I want to get back together. I realized how good we had it and how I failed to appreciate it."

You've got to be kidding me. She thinks of the last time they met. He was so unbelievably calm and composed, leaving her feeling like an idiot for being so emotional about the whole thing and showing that she cared more than he did.

When she ended it about a month ago, she was painfully trapped in the memory. There were times when she was just walking on the street and couldn't stop thinking about him. The cafe where they used to go together. The bookstore where she bought him books. The restaurants they liked. All the good times. And then she would realize, it's all gone.

She doesn't want to say mean things to him. But she couldn't think of anything nice to say either. Does he really think she'd forgive him and get back with him? To her, it's not even about forgiving him or not. He once said it's easier to ask for forgiveness afterwards than ask for permission beforehand. Having known that, she can't help but think of whatever he says as being emotionally manipulative. Does he really mean it or is he saying it to get forgiveness? Like he did in the past. She feels sick of being paranoid about it. She hates to assume but this time, she just can't help.

"I still love you and I am ready to do it better."

She puts her phone in the pocket and keeps walking. It's freezing cold outside.

Thirty minutes later, she gets home. She whips out her phone and hits the block button.