Love and Loss

I lost my dad on July 5th of this year. Very suddenly, even though he had been sickish for about a year. I probably actually lost him a long time ago, when he was diagnosed with COPD and refused to quit smoking. When he was in ICU for a week on a vent because his lungs were only at 50% function and refused to quit smoking. When he was in ICU for low sodium and was caught smoking in the bathroom - OF ICU - and refused to quit smoking.

I have never smoked, though I have been around it my whole life. My grandparents smoked; my parents smoked, and my siblings smoked. My sister and mother have stopped cigarettes and are now vaping. Vapeing. Whatever, using the hookah pipe thing that makes me think of the caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland.

The whole situation is still pretty surreal to me. My brother took him lunch and checked on him a few hours later to find him slumped over the side of the bed, already gone.

My father also drank like a fish. Now, if you said that to him or my brother they would both deny it vehemently. He only drinks sometimes. A drink at the end of the day is no big deal. But a drink at 9am the day your son got out of alcohol detox...that's a big deal.

I guess what I want to say is that, regardless of what you may think, drinking excessively and smoking IS bad for your health. It does cause problems, and it can kill. I can't tell you that I know what it feels like to quit either, because I've never had to. But I can tell you what it's like to be the daughter of someone who refused to. The daughter who is now writing out thank you cards for sympathy flowers and visits. The daughter who now has to go through his house and clean out, sell, or throw away everything. Then decide what to do with it. I can tell you that 68 is too young to die suddenly. And I can tell you that this sucks, and I hope no one else ever has to do this-but I know they will.

Take care of yourselves. If not for you, for your kids, grandkids, and great-grandkids.