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I’ve been wanting to write a lockdown/COVID post for a while but it’s hard to know where to start.

Now that, for New Zealand, the whole pandemic is basically over, it is great to see in hindsight what I could have done better. Because no one can quite prepare you for a world-wide pandemic, so how you react to one shows true character. And boy did I fail.

I became more selfish THAN EVER with my time

Which is surprising, since I had more time than I did before! But almost instantly, I found myself becoming resentful when my family and friends wanted to call/talk/game more often than before lockdown. I obliged, but the feeling like they were stealing time away from me remained.

Even our weekly podcast became more of a chore during lockdown than it did during my normal chock-a-block week, even though it was the only extracurricular we kept up during lockdown. Why? Plain selfishness.

I forgot how to interact with people

Later in lockdown, my mom came to visit to drop some things off at our door. I didn’t expect her to want to briefly chat through our open window. Kyle will attest that I completely forgot how to converse at that moment, and he took over with the leading questions and polite talk. I simply smiled and nodded when appropriate.

This digression in a skill I’d been prioritising these last couple years horrified me. It made me appreciate how much I’m forced to interact with people in normal daily life, and how important it is for me to never live alone.

I became sensitised to noise and chatter

With the quiet streets, quiet rooms and quiet evenings, I unknowingly weakened my sensitivity to stimuli. A trip to the grocery store became a pleasant experience, with the ordered lines, polite shoppers and minimal chatter. This is a chore I used to (and still do now) loathe and makes me want to take a nap afterwards. Coming back to work was a nightmare for two days until I got used to the chatter, phone calls, and general office hum. I hated it, and that was a good thing.

I became more productive at work

This is a con, why? Because being productive at work comes a close second to relating and connecting with people. Take away the social aspect of work and productivity skyrockets, which felt amazing. BUT, chasing this euphoric feeling of productivity made me lose sight of what’s important, and why God gave me this job. To shine His light to the people I work with. If I’m not interacting with people at work, then what am I good for here?

I became more anti-social

I actively enjoyed not seeing anyone during lockdown, and that included my closest friends. I don’t need a paragraph to explain why that’s a bad thing

I didn’t spend more time with my husband

Lockdown, for some, was an opportunity for families to spend more time with each other. I selfishly thought that only really applied to people with children, and sometimes imagined what it would be like to be together as a family of more than two. But I didn’t make the most of what I did have, which was Kyle. The amount of quality time we spent together did not change during lockdown, even though we often scheduled our lunchtimes at the same time. I preferred to lie in the sun and read while he gamed indoors. During non-lockdown hours, lunch times are generally my time to be alone, think about life and do almost whatever I wanted. I didn’t want that to change during lockdown and again, became selfish with my time.

I became more judgemental

Initially, I was part of the bandwagon of society that were shaming people for breaking the rules, like that guy that went surfing up north, or the many people who still met with their drug dealers. Part of the reason for this was as an outlet for my frustration watching people have more fun than I was having. But no excuses, it was a stupid thing to do.

I let myself get sucked into trivial arguments about the state of the world, instead of practicing empathy and compassion, forgetting that a global pandemic is so much scarier for those without close friends and family, and for those who don’t have security in Salvation.

However, Gratefulness

I’m so intensely grateful for having gone through something like this and I know we’ve still got a way to go before the world starts to feel stable again. I’ve learnt a life-time’s amount of lessons and have come out the other side with a stronger faith and identity in Christ than I’ve ever had before. And because of that, I see the world from a completely different perspective now, and it’s exciting! This lockdown has re-organised a few of my priorities and solidified a good number of them.

“Now these three remain: faith, hope, and love – but the greatest of these is love (ἀγάπη).”
~ Paul, in his first epistle to the church of Corinth (3rd Century)
1 Corinthians 13:13 CBS

Now, I want to know how YOU changed during lockdown. What would you have done different? What are you striving for and did you get there? What changes will you make in your life because of this world-wide reset?