The dark side of bi-polar (Part 1)

So suicide is so yesterday...

Nope, its real, the statistics are real and the feelings - they are damn real too.

When affected and afflicted by the darkness that suicidal thoughts bring, its almost near to impossible to shake it off. Not everything works for everyone, but I will share with you what has worked for me.

I will be writing a few of these and sharing some of my insights into my own world... so this is part 1...

But before the solution I will explain the problem.

Our minds, those of us that have bi-polar or manic depression, have a tendency to create whole universes with beginnings and endings. There is no solution except death. We do not know for sure what happens after death but according to us, in that moment, we will be free of this place.

You see, poverty is not the problem, nor are impending states of decay and misfortune. Dreaded diseases are not the cause either. In fact the only cause for suicide is a hormonal imbalance in the brain.

The truth is, there is a solution to every problem on this planet. It may not always be the best solution, or the prettiest, but hey its a solution nonetheless. Religion used to hold mankind together and it would be pretty difficult to risk going to the seven hells etc. But people still risked their souls and took the plunge.

According to the World Health Organisation, 800 000 people die to suicide every year. They equate that to a suicide every 40 seconds. Those are the ones who actually die, not those with botched up attempts who end up as vegetables or worse.

Let me be honest. Suicide is selfish. All you have to do to not be selfish is to wake up in the morning and show up. Thats it. Leave combing your hair, dont give a shit about what people say and just be you. Why? Because by you being here, just that, you are changing peoples lives for the better, even though you don't see it.

I find that if I get mega feelings of suicide, I go sleep and when i wake up it is as though my brain has reset. No, I dont take meds, it does not allow me to create or write or paint or whatever else Im busy with. Meds turn me into a vegetable. However, I have found a little meditation that works.

***Find a quiet place to sit. Get your notepad and a pen, and get some super (NON-EMOTIONAL) music. Spiritual tunes usually help me but I have yet to find someone who appreciates my music.

***Now breathe in deeply three times. Breathe out like you are blowing down a tree. Repeat these breathes three times, or four if you wish.

***In your journal write down how you feel. Now scratch it out and repeat after me...

"I chose to come to this earth with a purpose. I chose to be blinded to the surprise of how amazing I truly am. I am not a product or a slave to hormonal imbalances, other peoples lack of integrity or ability to show affection. I am not a slave to the control of society, I am a free spirit having a human experience. I as this free spirit will be strong for as long as it takes, because I know that by quitting the game here, I will only return to repeat it. I also know as a free spirit that my life is mine. I have the right to be and do as I choose, however, I choose life, because just like so many times before when I did not think there was a solution, there was. I know as a free spirit that I am here for a reason. I know that as a free spirit I am loved. I know that as a free spirit I have the knowledge and the power to work through this, because I am greater than I think."

Now write down a goal or three in your notebook.

Stand up.

Take three deep breathes and blow them out like you blowing down a tree.

...and if at this point you do not feel okay... reach out to someone you trust... ***remember that the world is meant to be a big family. Some of us still remember that.

Be strong and know that you're loved!

Go drink 3 full glasses of water, jog on the spot, and go and do something that you love.