Life: Depression: Persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” mood. Feelings of hopelessness

Depression: P1

27th December 2017, 12:55 am at the time of writing this I am listening to some music to distract myself but it is not working. Before this year I never knew it was a thing I was suffering I always blamed on things and thought it was something temporary however it kept growing day by day. It was always there but I never accepted it finally I embraced it this year without hiding anymore.

It was New Year's Eve 2017, first time I started drinking that's when I thought to my self may be this is something that will distract me from my problems in life, I named it curiosity and kept experimenting. I did everything in this year which I have never thought or imagined of doing. Probably it may not be a big thing for many people out there however belonging from a Muslim Pakistani family it is a big no no in our society. However I don't have any regrets of anything or that's at least what I keep telling my self to stay away from the guilt feeling.

I am struggling to keep my two different life styles, there are people who know me from many years for them I am Muslim religious Pakistani guy belonging from a good family who can never break laws and do wrong and it was true about me a year ago not anymore. The person who I have become now has different views about life and things around him, I may have broken many laws but my heart and soul still belongs to the religion I always followed ISLAM.

It might be strange to understand to my story but all the topics I am writing about are part of me and my depression,growing up I have always have been a strong hearted man I was the type of guy who wouldn't cry even at the worst or lowest moments of my life. This year changed me into a person who can't live alone, fear of being neglected and anxiety of many things. I guess this is what it does to a person but the most difficult thing is to explain this problem as most would say it is not a problem however they don't understand.

Breaking rules gave me a new edge I started exploring everything forbidden, but the ultimate goal was to find happiness and not disrespect my religion I hope you guys will understand, there could be many of you guys out there who might be living a life similar to mine.It is very difficult to accept who you are and for your loved ones to do the same. They say if they truly love and care about you they would accept you the way you are but most important thing is it accept yourself first.

Staring at the ceiling and the walls wondering if that's what life is all, No idea if anyone would read this but would still share my story and not sure if it help me in anyway but i would still want to be the voice of people who don't have or can't share their stories. I hope to write another part of this please bare with me. This is how I introduce myself to this platform by accepting the real me. My Name is Tahir, i am 27 year old Sales and Marketing Executive working in Dubai and this is my story....