Want To Be Happy? Stop Comparing Yourself To People
Nobody is perfect and we are all aware of that. We all have our flaws and in a way, we are all ‘work in progress’ as we try to fix these flaws and become better human beings.
Even though we know that we will never be perfect, no matter how much we try, we owe it to ourselves, and the people around us that we love and care that we try and become the best versions we possibly can.
And that means ironing out the flaws one by one, just like how software developers iron out the bugs in their software. Sometimes I think we are like computers as well, but that is a discussion for another post.
Anyways, today I wanted to talk about one of the major flaws that I think, consciously or sub-consciously, each one of us has and that is the habit of comparing ourselves with other people.
You Vs Me
There is a natural tendency among humans to compare different aspects of oneself with the others and to try to evaluate if they are better off or worse off than them. If they are better off, they feel good about themselves, otherwise they end up feeling miserable.
This is accentuated by all the materialism that is marketed as the “modern lifestyle” by all these different companies where if you don’t have their products or services, you are somehow regarded as lower in societal status.
This constant game of ‘you vs. me’ is not only limited to lifestyle though. People compare all sorts of things like relationships, career, education, money, health and much more. Not only this, they compare even the smallest of things.
The sad thing however is that people tend to focus on what they don’t have instead of what they have. If a person has nine of ten things and he sees someone with that tenth thing, he will not be happy about the nine things, he will be sad about not having that tenth thing.
The Bane of Happiness
This habit of ours, is actually the bane of our happiness. Isn’t that logical? If you are in the habit of constantly comparing every single thing in your life with the people around you, you will constantly be left disappointed.
That’s because you simply can’t have everything in the world and when you focus on the things that you don’t have, naturally you will be sad and miserable no matter how much stuff you already have.
That is why we see even the rich people unhappy because then they are comparing themselves to even richer people even though they have everything they could possibly need.
Seriously, if you want to be happy, and I mean truly happy, just learn to be grateful for things you have already got. It might not seem like much, but sit down and make a list. I guarantee you, the list will be much longer than you ever imagined!
I Have been arguing earlier with some friends whether the tendency of comparing oneself with others is natural or acquired.
Taking into account that some people never put themselves or lives into comparison with others. I believe it is a habit people acquire due to the way they have been raised. As most parents often excessively use comparison to motivate or punish their children, or by declaring how some of them is special and worthy of more care, and love because he is more successful, both their more and less successful children acquire that habit of comparison to identify how worthy they are.
So well put. I just want to add the thought that it is probably rooted much deeper than just that. I mean even the fact that Western morality has the concept of bad - no Eastern or Oriental philosophy thought of such a ridiculous idea as the idea of "sin" - implies comparison.
This might be a great thing for scientists to study and research! I have always thought that it could be a natural tendency thanks to the evolutionary process, but one can't be too sure.
@sauravrungta yes I am agree with you . When we will stop comparing to others then we can live very much happy. i think instead of comparing to others we should start comparing to ourselves .
by the way Awesome Written
Yeah, if you want to compare yourself to someone, better do it with yourself. At least that way we will improve!
I've got what might be considered an odd view of money and the material possessions it can buy.
As long as I have enough to pay my bills and have a bit left over for fun, it's enough. Others will always have more or less than I, but I dwell on neither and find contentment with what I have.
Yup! That's the right way to do it. To find that level where you are contented, reach it and just live life!
Lovely words. Thank you so much for your sharing and for taking the journey that led you to understanding this.
And it is so hard not to compare. Comparison seems to be so rooted in the expectations of the most loved and close ones, the ones that we feel so much pain refusing. So hard but so rewarding. Cheers.
Yeah, it is definitely hard because it is something that quite often we do unconsciously as well. But I think we would be better off not doing that.
The key is definitely to stop caring about what other people are doing with their lives. I think that because we are thought from such young ages to be competitive and to accomplish as much as we can starting school, we develop this sense of insecurity and need to always be in touch with how others are managing their lives, how many possessions they have etc. But like you've said in this post, we need to stop that immediately and realise that the only thing that should hold such value to us is ... our own person. Plus, as individuals we are on this earth to figure out our purpose and to better ourslves, other people should be like a bonus, a joy in this world for us to not burnout and to experience love, not to produce us the pain of always competing with them.
Great topic for discussion and article!
Those are some really great thoughts. I agree totally with you here! We should just focus on what we have in life and be grateful for it. Comparing with others will only lead to misery.