The Impostor Syndrome is real. Oh, the irony!
My day started by being called out on the quality of my posts. The value of my ideas. A fraud.
The thing is, I do believe in the quality of my posts but I also have doubts. Are they really good enough?
Now all this snowballed into more and more self-questions. Let me ask you this:
Do you feel like a fraud?
Do you feel like you don't deserve what you got?
Does it gets to you and undermines your confidence?
Because, it seems, I DO!.
Hear me out. I dreamed of having a trending post since I joined Steemit almost a year ago.
I've imagined it's a confirmation of my value for Steemit and my writing skill. Making trending could be my "Oscar" on Steemit.
I did come close with a few posts but never quite there.
Then, a couple of days, it happened! My post about the EOS ico was #2 and people seemed to really like it and got a lot out of it. This was reward in itself [ but thanks for the upvotes!!]. I received congratulation messages from a few friends. They liked it too!
But upon further introspection, I realized I was not as happy as I thought I'll be!. In fact,I was anxious. I was awaiting that comment:
"THIS SUCKS! WHO UPVOTES THIS SHIT?!"
I was waiting for people to expose me for my amateurism and to be called out on...what, exactly?
This got me thinking. I started to ask around and talk to people about it and I made two very important discoveries:
It's a very common felling.
A lot of my successful friends said they feel a lot like they don't deserve their positions, money, recognition from peers.
I have this friend who's gonna be featured in a list of most accomplished writers under 40 in my country and yet, he looks at the list and wonders: WHY am I there?!
I tell him he's crazy and he admits but he can't just shake the feeling...It has a name!
Yeap, because it is really that common that it has its own name: The Impostor Syndrome
There are many definitions and ways to explain this insidious feeling. I say insidious because it's very hard to beat and almost impossible to organically kill. It's not like...someone will tell me that my posts are great and I will be like: Ok, cool, I'm cured now!!
So anyway back to the definition:
Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon or fraud syndrome or the imposter experience) is a concept describing high-achieving individuals who are marked by an inability to internalize their accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as a "fraud".
Damn, this definition hits home :)
Everyone might have some experience with this unless you have some ungodly confidence or you are a psychopath or maybe you worked really really really hard to get where you are. I am not sure which one would help the most. The thing is, it's usually more prevalent in people who you'd least expect it ( also more women than men experience it, go figure!).
There's even a [quiz] you can take in order to see how affected you are by this. I encourage you to spend 5 minutes and see what you get.
Constantly. Every day. Every post.
Steemit. Poker. Writing.....
Are you sure you wanted toupvote this?!
I mean it's easy to fall in the doubt-trap. It's very hard to get out of though. My results were a very expected:
So what's the CURE?
For me, it's clear that once again, that I need to find it within myself. Still, I have to admit, that external praise helps as well. It help to have someone to encourage you but if you can't believe them, then it's useless, right?
I try to remember that I'm always trying one thing: Do my best, write the best posts I can right now!
I might look back in 2 3 years on this and -hopefully - realize I could have written a better post given all my experiences and skill. Who knows? Will that diminish my effort now, today?
I think not.
Also I want to try and be kind to myself. Be kind to effort. Remind myself that I do not suck - maybe as bad as I think I do. In a word: Be kind. [ ok, that's two! ].
I can never please everyone.
I can never be as good as I want to be.
But I can respect the process, always strive to deliver and look for way to be better.
That should be enough. And if sometimes I'll feel like an Impostor...then that's the price :)
Till next time,
r
I admire your courage in posting this. I've felt this for years with my career in IT security. I work with and meet a lot of smart folks in my field. So I always feel like the dumbest guy in the room. But I try to remind myself of the years of self study and grind that I put in to get where I am. I guess that impostor syndrome can be a healthy fear if it keeps you striving for improvement, regardless of what anyone else thinks. Just one opinion here, but i think you're doing good, well intentioned work.
I'm like trying to build up my career in IT security , and i kinda feel like the same too. My friends think I'm good it , but only i know I'm as dumb as they are and I'm just more good at googling . I'm gonna take CEH exam. I hope that can help me start my career somehow .
I mean, if you are the smartest in the room that's not great either :D
Being a college student that in just a few short years will be in charge of a classroom full of students I feel this all the time.i never feel like I am totally prepared. However, I think we tend to look at people in similar positions and think that they have everything together, when in reality they feel many of the same things that we do ourselves!
Congrats on this. I think teaching of any kind is a super experience.
Maybe that's the ultimate fix: enjoy the process and know there's always more to learn.
Thanks for stopping by, how did you find steemit?!
I think you may be right on the ultimate fix part. I found out about steemit through my friend @zacharius! He's recently become interested in cryptocurrency and came across it, then told me to check it out!
We all feel like that!!!
You can try taking these posts and post them on medium on somewhere else. Try to sell them on a crypto magazine or something. If they get accepted with the same merit and rewards then the impostor syndrome is real. You have a scientifically falsifiable way to check the real worth of your work.
If not, then you have to accept the reality that Steemit is first and foremost a gift economy. It rewards primarily social connections. Article quality is secondary. Not to say that good content is not rewarded but it is rather the exception rather than the rule.
You can even check that from the comments. Most of them are irrelevant or superficial or just blatant praising in hope for a little attention. Articles that are worthy get real engagement. Again, another factual standard of measure.
As I said, it's not about external praise.
And I actually like a lot of the comments, you can separate the genuine ones from the trollish ones.
You are avoiding the points I made in relationship with your Krnenial assumptions about your post's value. Impostor syndrome applies when you are worth it. You can test that pretty easy
I first read about imposter syndrome a couple of years ago and was so relieved. In my day to day job I have always felt like this and it was good to know it was a thing!
:) but why, my man?!?! WHY! You're awesome
Man, it is like you read my diary ;) Good work as always!!
haha. DEVIE!!!
Robert Allen once said anything worth doing is worth doing poorly. In other words if you what until you can do it perfectly you will never do it. It's better to do something than to do nothing. Most of the time you can adjust or fix things. I have found in playing music in front of people, usually they don't notice my mistake unless I react like I made one. It's good to do the best you can, but being human you will never be perfect and that's ok.
Soo...fake it till you make it?!?!
Wow, I find this post very valuable.
First off you are a good writer, secondly and most importantly to me you appear to be capable of being honest. This to me is far more valuable than being a "good writer". It is very common that people have fear, doubt and confidence issues. I had never heard of this "syndrome" before but doesn't matter what its called its real and affects many.
I my self have no problem with this anymore but used to live my life constantly terrified of what others thought of me. Its a scary and sad world.
What I can say is that it is possible to overcome this. This post seems like a good start to doing so!
Best Regards~*~
thank you! It's interesting..maybe it's a sign of caring too much what others think of me :P
yes.....that is a very common and very bad problem!
I can help u with that! =)>
good, this souds like a listening mind
you deserve your rewards and doubting about it just confirms that you know you haven't came up with all of your content. you are going thrugh life learning stuff and when you do anything, you feel that it's not all yours. you know you have not invented the wheel, but if you make a nice bicycle out of it is still yours and fresh.
good luck
This is life!!!