Self Sabotage Attempted Decapitation

Wish the violence that got me there was as metaphoric. I wish I loved myself more. I must have a piece of me I despise because I keep falling into unlove. I dust off the redflags and the continuous covert assault to my love of self because loneliness loves to manipulate the . Sometimes I'll bring the smoke for the mirrors, have a blind eye, and turn my back all in the name of romantic hyperbole . Pretty words decorating every effortless half-assed try, obvious lie and brutile discardal. Leading my phyce to the slaughter i get lassoed into a parasitic love. Loves affable imposture the one that figuritivly has consideration . Pheromones inflame the loneliness. Loneliness will happily destroy all remblence of self respect, confidence, and self worth for a tiny slice of companionship human contact a luxury the comes at a cost your personal Devaluation. Maybe its a piece of myself I hate or maybe authentic love is a unicorn I've never seen. I was raised with imposture love as the only love I've ever known. The shackels of familiarity imprisoning my personality leaving me a stranger in shambles. Is it gulibility or satomaschism getting a thrill out of watching each one of these heartless lovers gut me? They raised me to believe I could never be best at anything, and the problems of the world began with the birth of me. Nothing will be good enough coming from me. If it doesn't make me feel like my suicide is doing a servitude to society then its not love. Is my ability to decifer through bullshit handicapped or is self sabotage attempting a self decapitation. How much of my future will I leave stuck in my childhood? Would I even know what authentic love was if I saw it? What makes me feel like this is what I deserve? Why am I under the impression that loving myself less to love someone more is okay? How can so many people severely lack anything that slightly resembles empathy. Why does it seem like connecting with another's phsyce and bonding emotionally with a fellow being is like an 8track obsolete and primitive. Did companionship become a parable in an alligory and retire into a thing of myth and legend . Demonizing the act of Servitude and hijacking societies capacity to compromise no one can articulate a disagreement without it bursting into an anger fueled argument how do we have crowds of people sulking in lonely ? Why is cruelty spoken like reflex by so many people.