Saying sorry to hear that, doesn't seem to do much justice, so I will say a heartfelt reply.
It is sad to hear you are having to go through so much, especially the pain. I'm glad you are still here with us, and that you plan to keep it that way.
It is ok to cry, especially when things are so tough. I/we are here for you, whether you need to vent, seek comfort, just chat. I will pray that you get some much needed answers, and they find a way to get you back to health.
Am glad you will keep walking and meditating too. As for the needing to fill bladder, on the bright side, you can piss all over them if they make you mad :-)