I think it's contagious. My eyes are burning now. These aren't tears of joy, though I was able to laugh at a few things you said here today. It's some kind of liquid though, that part I know for sure. It's running down my face and coming close to my mouth. I'm afraid to taste it. If it's burning my eyes; will it be spicy?
If it is burning your eyes it will msot definitely be spicy but perhaps not good spicy but that kind of arse spicy that you do not want on your face.
What to do? Quick, smear beef paste over your face and find a dog!
I found a dog but now some lady is banging on my door and calling me a kidnapper! Quick! What do I do now! What's the next step! The dog didn't come with directions!
This bit is easy - throw the dead dog out of the window and shout to the lady that you don't have her damned dog!