Taken!

in #life7 years ago

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I woke up. For some reason, it was not via the usual method of a child jumping on my defenceless form or Mummy bear shouting stuff about plans and getting organised.

This in itself struck me as very peculiar.

I swung my legs out of bed. My head started to pound with a deep boom boom, boom boom. What was this? Had I been interfered with during my sleep? I quickly had a check for my rod of power, phew, still there. I still felt out of sorts though. What on earth was going on?

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I had a bad feeling about this.

Tentatively, I made my way downstairs. As I entered the living room I stopped, dead in my tracks. There before me, the good lady and little lady were smiling happily.

Good morning Daddy!

They chorused, joy pouring out of every pore.

The good lady stood up.

Looks like Daddy bear could use a coffee. Coming right up, Daddy!

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It was immediately apparent to me then that my family had been replaced by wide smiled automatons. What made me think this? Well, the morning routine is more often than not a confrontation of vinegary glares and tired grumbles. Not this. This strange sweetness and light thing going on.

I was immediately on guard but even though my insides clenched like I was trying to fart out some new shoes, my exterior betrayed no such angst.

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I smiled and nodded like a dog having its chest rubbed.

Here we go. A coffee for you my sweet.

Purred the one that looked like my wife as she came back into the room with a big mug of coffee.

I took the coffee from the wife replicant and under her watchful gaze pretended to take a sip.

Mmmmmm. Yummy.

I nodded and rubbed my tummy at the imposter. This seemed to please it and it backed off slightly, motioning slightly to the little mechanical thing that looked like my daughter.

It jerked into motion and came toward me with a bulky shape wrapped in gaudy paper.

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What the hell? Was this a bomb?! I contemplated booting the clockwork contraption right in the jambala but it was too fast and before I could tell my leg to get kicky it was right in front of me.

I closed my eyes and held out my hands. At least it would be quick. The parcel was placed in my hands.

Happy birthday daddy!

The little metal creature cried tinnily.

Before I could say anything the wife replicant came in and it too passed me a crudely wrapped parcel

Happy birthday sweetheart!

It beamed.

I eyed her cagily. There was no birthday here. I had not aged another year, I was sure of it. Thus was their great farce exposed.

They were staring at me expectantly, the wife replicant nodded at the parcel in my hands.

Thank you.

I said, grimacing as if something hideously large was being pushed up my chuff.

Aren't you going to open them?

Yelled the one that looked like my daughter.

Of course, hang on though. I left my phone upstairs and want to get it so I can take a photo!

They looked distrusting but didn't try to impede me as I left the room. As I went up the stairs, I heard the mummy type imposter say something about hangovers and always being like this first thing in the morning on his birthday

Ha. Wishful thinking robot invaders. As if I was just going to believe that it is actually my birthday and I have a terrible hangover instead of the awful truth that my head was fiddled with during the night obviously by aliens and my family kidnapped and replaced with robotic imposters!!!??!

I mean, what would you believe?

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Awww, belated Happy Birthday, meestermeester!! I didn't check in to steemit yesterday so missed the big day, but I have to say, on Friday night I mysteriously took a shot of tequila (the bartender made me do it!) and I'm figuring it must have been birthday vibes sailing across the waves!

HB MB!!!

I suspect you are right, it would have been them birthday vibes flying across the waters!

Cheers m'dear! I am quite a happy bunny, more so than usual :O)

date marked :D haha
so next time no need to write fake birthday cause not sure of the damn date
haha
cheers!

Hehe, how very cunning!! After you back on? Are you still resting?

I should be !

I tried but I saw it's raining ups so I had to come back plus I had to do some baby sitting around here earlier on :D

but I'll be sleeping again after tonight
till it hits full charge!

Thank you for posting @meesterboom.

Very cleverly done.......lovely illustrations and reporting.....here's hoping the family comes back soon.....hehe....you are on to something here.

It is all too much......

Happy Birthday @meesterboom.

Jolie Anniversaire......

Wishing you all the best on your birthday........We are happy to have you here at Steemit.

Cheers.

Hehe, it was a little clever! I thought it much preferable to screaming . It's my birthday!!

I am happy to be here and of course I am ever happy to see those I know here on steemit :O)

Happy birthday, man!

Cheers mate!! It's been very good!!

Glad to hear that you had a very good birthday! Congratulations!!
(And, by the way, you look still very very young!)

Why goodness me, thank you very much. I a just a slip of a lad despite what the label on the tin now says ;O)

I believe in you, Boomerang!

Perhaps they have wished you a happy "birthday" because it's your "birth" into the world filled with copies of the family you love. To them, you are technically a one year old. Coffee? More like that starter fluid that swaps out your blood for oil. This slow integration is necessary so as not to make you aware of the changes. Trust me on this, for I have lived it. Or, don't. Who knows? Am I an automaton as well? Was this my programming? To constantly rebel against the system?

So, with that. I do not wish you a happy birthday with your lovely, albeit robotic, family. I will not raise my glass to you and say "Cheers, mateychops! You aren't a year older, just a year wiser." And I most certainly will not tell you that I feel blessed to count you as a friend and brother, that you are a constant inspiration, and I would be lucky if I would be a fraction of the gosh darn awesome person that you are when I'm at your age. No. I will reserve that for your real birthday. Your human birthday.

Aw you are a smashing person with the not's!

I will take those not wishes and store them up for when things become more real. Like dinnertime probably!! Wayhay!!

Lordy go. I am rough today!!

Don't beat youself up too much, Brother Bear! Birthdays (even robotic fake ones) always drains a lot from you. Go on and plug yourself in the nearest outlet when you can. You deserve the buzz!

I am buzzing!!

To infinity and beyond!!! Have you seen my Martian fashion range?

Martian fashion what!? Wherever could I gaze upon such an assemblage!?

Ohhhhh shhhhhhhhhh I didn't even know about this!!! To think there was a time in my life when I wanted to grow up and become an astronaut!! Oh yeeeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhh martian wear is very cyberpunky!

Martian wear is where is at :0D

Joyeux Anniversaire, Meussieu Boum!

I smiled and nodded like a dog having its chest rubbed.

I am still waiting for the expression "like a dog that is shitting under the rain".

Oh that expression will come!! I have been toying with some splendid expressions lately, I used Trempe La Course Des Chats in my uncle boom post. As far as I can see it is quenching the cats race. Google translate could well fail me though.

Trempe La Course Des Chats

I had missed this Uncle Boom post.

But I have no idea what you mean by "Trempe La Course Des Chats". Where did you find this expression?

I tried to make up a silly expression that to all who read it would just seem french I tried to make one based on running water cats and after a few whizzes through Google translate came up with this!

Is it anything like quenching cats race?

Google changed it to "Trempé La Course Des Chats" and translated it to "Hardening Of The Race Cats". It too makes an interesting race name.

That is quite the interesting name. There is fun to be had with Google translate!

Is it anything like quenching cats race?

No, it does not mean anything in French.

"quenching cats race" would be translated as "la course des chats trempeurs".

Dash it. I was so close to greatness!

I was pretty sure if you kept tinkering about in the ga-rage (pronounced gay--raaj) building all these robots in your 'normal' life, it might catch up. Looks to me as if I'm smarter than I ever thought, (not saying much)...but let's hope the real family shows up from under the bed real soon. Preferably before the end of your big day at least. That said, "Happy Bigday to yooooo". Sung at a really nice, standard tune. Cheers and more beers.

Standard tuning always wins!

It seems that eventually all was well and I didnt even have to go in and MacGyver anything! :O)

The same happens to me every year on a certain date!! Aliens switch with my family and come to my place smiling and giving presents! But I know the truth...!

As long as you know they can't touch you!!!

Hehe, yearly invaders!!

I don't want them to touch me in places... I have to pretend that everything is fine and smile lol.

Those little ears? Oh yes. I can understand that. after all I know when ears are not ears

I agree there aliens sent to take you off to another planet cos your clearly not from ours haha Happy birthday :)

Cheers lass, I am ever on my guard!!

Congrats on your birthday!

The Robotic Family Simulation was probably sent by the Shadow IT people. Watch them closely.

Oh, there's a thing. I never thought of that!!

I heard it on the grapevine from automatons that wander these parts, that it's possibly someones birthday. But automatons are known to lie. What to believe? Happy birthday, there I said it, just in case.

Personally I wouldn't trust them. Take their gifts, absolutely. But maybe have the coffee taste tested first.

Just in case indeed!!

Cheers man, I survived their automaton trickery intact! :0)