Expenses
My work is banishing me to Edinburgh next week to help set up the new offices. There has been all manner of hints that it is an illustrious job and that the chosen few who are going are champions of steel and flame.
Rubbish.
The chosen few are poor buggers who have found themselves on someone's shitlist and have been banished to teach them a lesson.
Perhaps my continual loud mocking of El Jefe for his flared brown trousers has come back to bite me on the chuff...?
Whether it be the mocking of the Flarey brown troosers or not, it's Edinburgh bound for me.
My work likes to pay us on a couple of days after the start of each month. Which is well after I start my Edinburgh sojourn. As a result, I decided to tap them up in advance for some expenses.
Which meant tackling the feared and loathsome finance department. Kind of like facing a Balrog in Dungeons and Dragons.
I approached them today. And I might be accused of paraphrasing here but it went a little something like this...
Oh and beware... For the faint of heart, it's a bit sweary.
meesterboom enters the office of the damned, i.e the finance dude (FO) in charge of expenses.
Me: Right, fucker, where is my motherfucking money?
FO: Now, who you calling a fucker, motherfucker?
Me: I'm calling you a fucker, motherfucker. Now, where is my motherfucking money?
FO: What motherfucking money? How dare you come in here demanding motherfucking money like your name is Jeffrey and you just came slithering out of my ass?
Me: My money to get me to Edinburgh motherfucker? Now, where is it?
FO: Have you been already? No? Then fuck off, motherfucker.
Me: I haven't been yet because I haven't got the motherfucking money to go, motherfucker!
FO: Well you're not getting the money till you fucking go, motherfucker!
Me: Then I AINT GOING! MOTHERFUCKER!
FO: Oh, ok. Right. You win. You can have it just this once.
And that, is more or less the illustrious story of how I came to receive my expenses before I actually made my jolly way to Edinburgh.
Motherfuckers!!
Authors note, there may have been a little less swearing than depicted above.
damn, I love Edinburgh! I'm coming too. are you staying for months and can I get a free couch? :D:D:D:D:
Lolz, I am coming back at nights so I don't miss my little family!! :0)
Reminds me of the time my company expected us to advance the costs of two weeks in a hotel, travel, food, and some other things, for a course. Motherfuckers.
Same threat, same result, some questioning of mental sanity of finance staff involved, in impolite Dutch terms, which are quite good and effective.
Some things are universal.
I like the sound of an impolite Dutch term! It is the same all over... Motherfuckers!
Too many mothers and those others (fu..ers)...This guy that gave you the money must have been upset, so had nowhere to go...You used very unique technique, but as Machiavelli says: "The goal justifies the Means" and you riched the goal, so it is 1 : 0, said in soccer vocabulary, on a guest playground for You⚽. We have World Soccer Championship this year in Russia...
That's right. It is quite exciting!
And yes the goal definitely justifies the means!!! :0)
Haha, love the perseverance! Thanks for sharing
You have to stick at them! hehe
This convo could have looked a little like this me thinks:
Where is my #@$&%$ you stupid &%#$@.
Sounds like he and his slithery ass snake were up to the task for a showdown with the Boomster.
You should have slapped him with his purse.
So? NO money then?? LOL
I got the money!!! I am a happy man. It's not often you can beard the lion in its dem and come out with its teeth!!
And the convo could have looked like that but it was quite cathartic getting my rant out :0D
Oh, so much more amazing uncensored. Censorship ruins all the fun. LOL
I honestly thought you were going to say to the finance personal;
"Say ello to ma lil friend!!" Lmao
I swear I haven't laughed as much as I have done reading your expenses piece.It use to be a right mere when i had to claim expenses at work.They just could never get it right.Blimmen ekk i was doing it all wrong.But in all fairness working for corporate company even if i just said "mother" I would have got the sack.lol
Now if i had a little friend with me it might have come to that!!! It's always a mate when trying to get cash out of them!!
I know.You practically create a written dossier just to claim back expenses and i have had times where few months later, yes months blimmen later the money was reimbursed😡.I would rather get a cash advance then use my own money.Thank you very much.lol. I think your tactic could work in every day situations @meesterboom.
E.g. @Pamcooks is in starbucks ( other coffee places are also available, may i add.lol).I am waiting in a very long queue.Fed up getting late picking up the kids!
Yo wheres my motherfucking caramel mochiata semi skimmed with a dollop of cream and i want it regular Biaaaatch!!! Oh and my motherfucking name is Pam put it on the cup!
Mmmmm could work.😂😂😂😂😂
Haha, it's a viable strategy. Go for it!!! ;0)
Ooooh i think me will be going to the old arch rival costa's soon after my friendly exchange!
Hahahahha, very likely!!
A classic example of "Whatever you ask, you shall get!"
A couple of questions...
While in Edinburgh ....
How many shitty nappies will you be required to change?
How much of the bed will you be able to conquer?
Why are you smiling now?
HAha, I will be coming back in the evening... I am a big softie and couldn't bear to be apart from my little family. Ssshhh, though. Dont tell! ;O)
My last employer required me to shell out of my own pocket traveling expenses. I commonly drove 500-1000 miles per week and stayed in hotels all over the US with the promise that I would be reimbursed at a fair rate for my troubles. The rate was shit(thus I recently told them to eat shit and find another stooge), but I made up for the free loans I was giving them every week by charging everything to a cash back credit card.
So in the end I was making 1.5% continuously on the money I output. If I could find a better circumstance(better company) to loan money on a continuous basis, I would.
Hehe, thats quite a clever way to do it. I hate shelling out too. It wasn't a huge amount but its the principle so I am glad I got it in advance!
I wanna work in YOUR office. Mine is B-O-R-I-N-G!!
(Oh wait...nevermind)
Funnily enough mine is too!! hahaha