My Unemployment Diary and Where Expat Life Can Get Real Good

Four month ago I left my home, quit my job, and moved to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia pretty much because my husband @poneslo found a job here. For my friends back at home my new life probably seemed perfect. I no longer needed to face the grey moody reality of Saint-Petersburg on a daily basis. I no longer had to put five layers of clothes to keep me warm. It was always sunny and hot. I could eat fruits all day long and swim in the pool. I did not have to go to work every day. And I could have some local food, which is just simply amazing, any time I wanted. What a paradise!

Probably it was, but just for a couple of weeks. And then, one hot sunny fruitful day I found myself crying my balls out by that damn blue pool. I did not get the job that I wanted, I had nothing to do, nobody needed me to do anything, I felt useless and weak. Without understanding it, somewhere along the way I signed a contract to become an expat housewife who did not want to be one.

But you know what, even though the housewife thing was not working out for me (I don’t think it ever will) the expat thing, on the contrary, kind of saved my ass. You often hear expat stories about how difficult it is at first because you do not know anybody when you move to a new country. Well, for me it was the opposite. It somehow became easier for me because I did not know anybody.

You see, I am a self-diagnosed introvert and a huge sucker for other people’s opinion. Trying out something new, admitting to someone that I want something, saying 'no' — all of these things are pretty challenging for me. But here in KL, it got easier. Yes, I do not have any connections here, nobody to call and ask for help. But here it’s so much easier to let myself fuck up and, as a result, simply do stuff. Back home, if you fuck up or if you do something differently — everybody knows, everybody judges you, everybody points their fingers at you. I mean, I know they don’t, nobody actually cares, but you think they do, and it makes you doubt yourself. It is always easier to dance when nobody is watching.

Here, my inner self-doubting demon got much quieter. You wanna try something new and scary — I don’t care, go for it, nobody knows you, nobody will see you. You wanna change you career and start from zero and aim for something very unrealistic and not practical — I don’t mind, nobody has to find out.

My sucker demon is obviously melting under Malaysian sun, and I am so damn happy about it. In a short period of several weeks I managed to, probably for the first time, successfully network, work as an assistant at a fashion video-shoot, start a fun little video-project with @poneslo, publish another issue of my magazine about movies back in Saint-Petersburg, become a screening coordinator of a local movie club, attend a bunch of cool workshops doing things I have never done before but wanted to, and meet some amazing people, including some badass Steemit Ladies and women-entrepreneurs.

'Founding Women Get Together' Event organized by @angiechin28

Even though Steemit, like my new KL life in general, is only starting to get filled with new people, I already feel much less lonely here, thanks to #teammalaysiababes, @coloringiship, @vikapuzach and @angiechin28!

And you know what’s the best part? After doing all these things, I can still go to that damn blue pool every freaking day and now enjoy every drop of it’s blue and chilling water.