Why do others try to dissuade you from your goals?
There are three main reasons why others – friends and especially relatives-will try to discourage you from achieving certain goals.
They worry.
They genuinely care about you and don't want you to lose money, health, opportunities, or fall back in your life. "If you become a humanitarian worker and go to Africa, you can be killed by wild animals, spiders, mosquitoes and terrorists."You will bring them to light.
By trying to achieve certain goals, you are emphasizing that others are not doing much with their own lives. You will understand this when you realize that the reasons why others advise you not to do this are their own reasons, not yours. "Starting a new business now is dangerous, because you need to feed your children, pay off your mortgage, the economy is weak, and people rely on you. We need to wait until the situation recovers."They get scared.
Setting and achieving exciting new goals can make other people feel inferior because of their lack of personal achievement. "Climb Mount Kilimanjaro? And what do you want to prove by that? Here, have another doughnut."
People often try to turn you away from your goals for their own sincere, selfish, or manipulative reasons. That's why the last step in the goal-making process is to carry out your plan to the end, despite everything that others may say, do, or think. Thank them for their concern and interest, say that you love them (when necessary), but re-emphasize what you intend to do and why you are doing it.
If they persist in their attempts to turn you away from the goal, thank them sincerely again and confirm your goal without any explanation. And then just do the job. The only people who can share with you the true information about what you want to achieve are those who have either already done the same thing or are doing it now. Otherwise, they can only express their opinion based on their own circumstances.
Never make decisions based on the advice of people who will not have to live with the results of these decisions.
When you write your life story, don't let anyone else drive the pen.
Fear of failure
Many people don't do anything because they are afraid of failure. Failure is an important part of success, and few people have succeeded in their endeavors without first failing, and often more than one. The winners are not the ones who never fail. The winners are the ones who never give up. If you give up too soon, you will never know what you have given up. Any mistake helps you figure out the right way to do things. A boxer does not lose a match when he is knocked down; he loses only when he does not get to his feet.
"The master has more failures under his belt than the novice has more attempts." Zig Ziglar, American writer and motivational speaker
If J. K. Rowling had lost heart after being kicked out by the first ten editors, the Harry Potter books would not have existed. If Howard Schultz had given up after being turned down 242 times by banks and lenders, there would have been no Starbucks. If Walt Disney had given up after his theme park idea was rejected 300 times, Disneyland would not have been born.
"The very bottom" became the solid foundation on which I re-built my life. " J. K. Rowling
How not to be manipulated by others
Here is a simple but effective method for dealing with people who are trying to control you. By using this method, you either agree with them, or you agree with their right to have an opinion – no matter how ignorant, baseless, or manipulative it may seem to you.
Method # 1. Accept the truth
The most effective response you can give your critic is to accept the truth of what he is saying, and then reassert your position.
Example I
Mother: If you go to work in Africa, you can catch a deadly disease there.
Daughter: Maybe you're right. But I feel obligated to help the underprivileged, and I can't wait to leave.
The daughter agreed with the truth of her mother's criticism, while at the same time maintaining her position.
Example II
SUE: I don't think you should quit your job, Brandon. You're the key person in the company, and if the economy goes bad, you'll still have a job. Doing only private business, you have no guarantees.
BRANDON: You're absolutely right, Sue. There are no guarantees – but I know that I will be fine, and I look forward to this opportunity.
Brandon agreed with the truth of Sue's words. He didn't argue with her, didn't humiliate himself or her. At the same time, he confirmed his position without becoming aggressive. In cases where you would have previously told a person to "get off", "mind your own business" or "fuck you", agree with them, and then confirm your position – and no one will feel wrong or the object of aggression.
Method # 2. Accept your critic's right to their own opinion
Often you will disagree with your critic's opinion, but you can still accept his opinion, no matter how stupid it may seem.