Flowers: an apology

02/06/2018.

Flowers.

Be it any occasion, a birthday, a funeral or a wedding, flowers are welcome. It's ironic how one symbol is used to represent both life and death. How they blend so beautifully to cater to every need of human existence.

So, I went flower hunting to mark the death anniversary of a beloved. My colleague and friend, Casper, promised me that he would take me to a place with the cheapest flowers ever. And lo and behold, he did. I bought thirty Gerber's for 90 rupees (1.4$).

The flowers for me marked an apology to the dead. I hoped this one in particular heard me beyond universes, whichever one she was in. And it made me wonder on the significance of life and singular nature of death. With our advances in science and technology, we are poorly outsmarted by death.

Tomorrow, I will be giving these flowers to my students for I have not a grave for this death. For years I have wondered now what would be the right way to grieve this little one's passing away and failed miserably. But today, buying those flowers felt right. Little red, yellow and white Gerber's fit in beer bottles, placed in random shelves and corners at home felt right.

I have always firmly believed that grief is the sole thing in this universe that's not selfish. For we grieve not for what we lose, but for what the deceased lose. The promise of a tomorrow, the promise of yet another day in this little blue dot we call Earth. And flowers conveyed the tone of melancholy and I hoped they carried the message through matter. The message that we always would want to give it another day here. We would always want them here for their experiences and not ours. To be part of it, to belong.

To matter.