Which are the best melee weapons to fight zombies ?

Fight against living deads : a quick introduction

Among many other system, a cardiovascular system properly working is required to keep us (by us I mean the humans) alive. However, a zombie need a cardiovascular system about as much as your microwave. He doesn't care, just like his breathing and digestion. Those zombie intrinsic specificity, make creatures sacredly hard to get rid of. The only way to sleep soundly is smash them right in the brain. But I mean the heavy hit, well put, well dosed. You can imagine the zombie's head as a golf ball, and you must send it into a hole a the top of the Olympus mount on Mars.

General rules

Obey the law

A criminal record is something you don't want. When the pandemic of the living dead will start, you think that the authorities will leave you alone because they have better things to do ? No, they will arrest you first. And with the current state of emergency, you even have chances to be forgotten in prison. (That's actually a better outcome that you think, but that's not our plan).

Train constantly

You should be able to mount/amount your weapon in the dark with one hand while playing Muse's song Isolated system on a piano with the other. With practice of that all important machine you will get experience and confidence, you will need both to survive in the living dead world. History has proven that a well trained men with only his dick and his knife has better chance to survive that a novice with the latest equipment.

Care for your tools

Weapons, even the simplest should be consider as an extension of your body. Keep your tools in a well shape is as important as keeping your body not injured. Therefore, weapons should be consider as living things. Blades need to be sharpen, grip need maintenance and so on.

Develop your first weapon

The human body can be the most powerful weapon on earth. You have to train and to maintain your body in good condition. Prefer cardiovascular instead of strengh-building program. Consider to learn a martial art, it can help with the zombie situation. But unfortunately you risk to fight other human too. If you catch someone robbing your camp with a knife, your 5th dan in Aïkido, will more make you smile than sweat.

Bludgeons

Bludgeons require strength and agility for being use against zombie. You must shoot the head, with enough power to crush the brain in one hit. Otherwise, you need to be fast to dodge the bite that comes. The hammer is good to break the skull, but you need to be very close to give the final shot. One miss stroke and your arm will be within the reach of jaw.

A piece of pipe, like table leg, can be really useful, you can find them everywhere. Their lightness make them easy to transport, however it's harder to kill a zombie with them. You have to aim for the temples or plant the brain by the eyes. Beware to not be carry away by your movement, keep your distance.

The aluminum bat is really good looking and good sounding. However, they are known to bend after prolonged use. We understand that some of us like to use it, kill a zombie with a bat can be good for the nerve in some cases.

Your best bludgeons is a good old crowbar, nothing fancy, just a good piece of steel. It won't break fighting the zombies. Arm oustretched crowbar in hand, your range is between 1m50 and 2 meters. Its curved, sharpened edge also allows for a stabbing motion through the eye, directly into the brain. You can also open doors, shift a heavy object, or perform other hazardous tasks that can come up with. Even lighter and more durable the titanium version will bring you the last touch.

Edged weapons

With edge weapons you make an exchange of strength for precision, you must be precise in your attack, and you will probably kill in one shot. Be careful to not jam your blade in the zombie body. Take the following hypothesis as a truth : As soon as you engage melee fight with a zombie you will be confront the all gang of the grunt leaky stinking carcass.

The axe is easy to find in any workshop. Axes go well for crunch zombie's bone and brain. Decapitation is equally easy. However, if your swing ends in a total miss you might be taken off balance. The one-handed hatchet is good weapon of last resort, if you find yourself in a bad position you can always grab your hatchet and repulse your assailant.
The sword is a really good one, not everyone is Aragorn, sword fights need a lot of practice. If you go in that way consider double hand sword, there are designed for decapitation, it should stick to the project. If you are well trained, and you can get your hand on a traditional made katana, you will have a strong asset on your side for your survival quest.

The drawback of the short blades is their lack of range and their strong need of precision, you need to be very close to your opponent, and go straight through the brain by the temple, the eye, the skull. It's not easy, precision mean concentration, try to be focus when you are 10 inches away of a deadly zombie mouth. Short blades can be your last chance weapon, easy to access to deal a death blow.

The best compromise you get easy for a cheap price, is a good old machete, the dark blade will hide the blade reflect on the dark. You should be able to cut a good pack of stuff that goes under your muzzle with a gear like this

Various hand weapons

Spear, pikes and tridents serve to keep zombie out of the reach, but you will rarely kill them.

The trench pike can be one of your best choice, it was design during the World War 1 to get through an enemy helmet, it should go in the zombie brain as well as in the butter. When choosing a knife, make sure the blade is no more than 6 inches and completely smooth to avoid to be lodge into the brain.

The myth of the man and the machine does not work well in case of zombie collapse. You should always avoid noise. Generic power tools are useless. Of course if you can build a flamethrower keep it, we all like such a cleaning machine.