Do you value feedback?
Criticism hurts.
Giving criticism is far easier than taking it.
Especially when you consider yourself a rockstar. Do you know anyone like that? Do no wrong, always on point, often times failing to take direction from others?
No, you don’t know anyone like this? Take note of people presenting. They finish their presentations, turn in a final, and walk away with their heads held high. Overly confident, maybe?
Then they receive feedback, read over comments, and realize they weren’t as big of a hit as they had originally thought? Now, there is a difference between comments and feedback.
One is recommending improvement, the other is just commenting without purpose. In other words, one adds value and the other doesn’t.
Which reminds me of a story.
My best friend in college asked me to hold her accountable for a certain behavior. One day I did just that, and mind you, this was not an easy task for me. How do you hold someone accountable or criticize them without offending or hurting their feelings?
Well, the conversation went something like this: “Hey, remember when you asked me to tell you when you acted like this to hold you accountable not to? Well, at that place and time you did it.” She hugged me and said, “only people that truly respect me as a person or are real friends do what you just did. Thank you so much.”
Forever changed
I never forgot that reaction.
I have also tried to live by that principle. I will tell you, it isn’t easy. It doesn’t feel good to be told you’re not perfect.
Especially when you think you are doing your best. You may not be perfect, but who would criticize such wonderfulness?
Well, if you truly valued our friendship, you would. The other day a friend called me out and it was tough love, but
What about you?
Do you seek criticism? Do you give feedback? Do you accept feedback?
I mostly give meaningless comments XD Have been on deviantart for way too long and eventually reached a point of only generally saying nice things or not bothering at all as previous interactions have led to precious little rockstars having the text equivalent of a hysterical screaming meltdown and sic'ing their white knights on you for daring to tell them anything other than how amazing and perfect and wonderful they and their art is. Decided after a while I had better things to do than deal with that and kind of fell into a habit of being totally boring .
I don't particularly like getting criticism (used to think I was pretty good at receiving criticism but I don't think the amount of excuses I made for what was getting criticised counts as being good at receiving criticism) but I don't discourage it. Will only offer it if asked or if the person either has a history of or seems like they could handle something other than a "nice post" style comment (or "wow awesome work" style comment as it usually is on dA XD).
I think it takes some serious guts to call out behaviours especially on people you really like, but that way you can tell the really good friends? Obviously you and the friend in the story are :D
Honestly speaking its not that easy to accept criticism especially when we think we have done our best.. the truth is genuine criticism although it hurt but when we think about it and try to make corrections.. Thats only when we will improve fir the better.. Thank you for sharing this. Its really vital
Well said! Why did I write a while post on a topic you summarized in a comment. Lol :)
Lol.. Sorry
Great post @kubbyelizabeth
Constructive critism and making mistakes is one of the best ways to learn. At least I think so. Its very easy for us to live in our own bubble, and walk through life as though we are perfect.
Yeah, sometimes critism hurts deep, and while that feeling sucks THAT pain can sparked tremendous internal change, and if we are lucky, we come out of the emotional storm better for it.
All the best
@strongerbeings
Exactly, my thoughts and yours are in line. Which reminds I’ve should have also added that despite how you feel about a comment. How you think and act in response is what really matters.
I agree! A big part of life is how we react and handle what is thrown to us. I use to get really defensive when my partner would try and give me feedback. I know it came from a place of love, but it was hard for me to take at the time. Now I know and appreciate it, because there is no one I know that will be more honest to me about my circumstances and life.
Feedback still stings, but the following quote helps.
@strongerbeings
I like your story with your friend. I think there's some valuable things to be learned about that exchange:
I think without both of these components, one or both people will be upset. Either you have someone giving un-asked-for criticism, or on the other end, you have someone offering perhaps well-needed criticism in a manner that doesn't consider their feelings.
I make the mistake many times of giving un-asked-for advice. I'm trying to to discern between someone coming to me to vent, and someone seeking a solution.
I struggle with that too. Learning to just listen is challenging. You make an excellent point that when asked it’s only fair for it to be given regardless of feelings. only a few people are brave enough to request change in a polite way. In this case, my friend called me out on a matter I was blinded too. I couldn’t be more grateful. I’m sure I do it often and have annoyed or worse offended others. Without this person I wouldn’t even be aware.
I agree with you on this.
Perhaps, valuable feedback is something that is still progressing on Steemit. I'd honestly be apt to upvote someone that makes a good point against the argument in my post. Steemians still seem a bit shy to constructively criticize. We certainly don't want Steemit to be an agreeing competition!
Sounds like this experience with your friend was very insightful for you. I'll be sure to give you all the feedback you need in the future ;) but you've been pretty awesome so far, so no need at the moment lol.
I didn’t get here with out lots of feedback, so keep a close eye! I think there are lots of post about disagreement on various topics the flagging one right now is a big one.
I used to think I took criticism well. As I get older, wiser, and more in tune with my emotions, I'm realizing this is not the case. Especially when it comes to my music.
Oh music is a tough one, what about your music changed that about you?
I'm not sure that it changed me so much as I realized that I've always never took well to criticism.
If someone doesn't like of has a critical review of one of my projects, it feels like a personal blow and that I'm not good enough.
That is mainly caused by my BPD (borderline personality disorder). I'm in DBT therapy now, so I'm getting more tuned in with my feelings and learning how to cope with strong emotions.
Super funny..we were just talking about this at work.. 'what were you like when you were 18 years old'
I said a was a selfish puber because I was too good in criticizing and too bad in receiving. Funny that exactly this you are writing about this now!
I just made a similar comment to my friend! I was talking about a comment and the next I see it a post about that very topic! Lol
I welcome constructive criticism, sometimes it hurt me deeply and throw me down but I realize the criticism is for my better sake. besides, criticism means that I have the critics attention:)
That’s one way to look at it for sure! It always hurts me to be told I’m less than perfect, then I realize it’s better to be reminded of that!
It depends on the way someone criticizes you. Thinking that most of the criticism is given in moments of stress, I think it’s become very difficult to accept them without feeling bad just a little bit, but I think it’s worth to cool down, to think about the criticism and to extract the best of this.
I believe that it’s better to accept the critic instead of being on the defensive, after all, we are human, and we’ll make mistakes all our life, and we’ll receive critics even after getting old. Life gets easier when we accept the criticism and become better people.
I had a friend like that. As sisters in Christ we could tell each other if we did something wrong, that was so great. It is something special to have such honesty between friends. But sadly my friend died after a 10 year long battle with cancer. I never made another friend like her. Value your true friends they are scarce.