The arcane brain of mom

Just conjure up this image - with your mind's eye, see a dark musty library. Those typically found in really old homes, with dark walls, hoary cobwebs and high ceilings, a little fireplace, a cold squeaky uncomfortably over-sized leather couch and the smell of a freshly lit cigar and brandy. Rows and shelves filled with many tales - a spectacular collection of arcane books and some even written in Latin... Well, that is what my brain currently looks like... the memory side of my brain. A mess.

On our usual wearisome drive to school yesterday, I asked – no one in particular –to please remind me, that I need to buy milk. Immediately, as if Griffin was waiting for this opportunity for months, very bluntly delivered the statement. “Mom you don’t remember anything, you are an adult, why must we ALWAYS remind you.”

My immediate reaction would have been, a venomous spewing answer – but I had to snuff it before it even made it past the seal of my lips… Just picture it… a woman behind the wheel of her mommy car, arms flailing, head spinning around on her shoulders, fire coming out of her mouth, eyes as wide as two red hot coals (hot enough to burn a hole right through his forehead) and her foot HEAVY on the accelerator and seemingly half crazy talking to herself in the rear view mirror. I had to just breathe and reply as calmly as I could…

Griffin Bailey (I started, making sure that he heard both names – laced with that mom-is-a-little-‘unhappy’ tone). Let’s start again.

Griffin Bailey, all mom's parts were in good working order and a fantastic memory before I became a wife and a mommy… Now mommy has to not only think for herself (note I use HERSELF, because this answer is universal and EPIC), but for you, your sister and your dad! Therefore she cannot keep two thoughts in her head on a good day. By the time mommy has emptied her head (by 5% only) at the end of the day, when everyone is asleep, she just cannot even remember her name, her age or even which day of the week it is! So my love;

Your pets would have been in heaven two days after they came home, if this mommy didn’t remind you every (insert the f world here in your head) day to feed them and clean the cage – sometimes I don’t even bother, because I am only allowed 1 high blood pressure tablet a day, and I do it myself.
You would have had to go to your friends parties empty handed, if mommy forgot to buy a gift.
You would have been the stinky boy in your class, if mommy didn’t remind you to wash your hair and BEHIND your ears.
Mommy has to remember:
Griffin has an oral
Griffin needs a red monami (f*ck - always a red one)
Griffin needs a new pair of shoes because the current pair tried to kick down the wall at school
Griffin needs new gymnastics tights, because he is now moving onto apparatus
Griffin needs a new hardcover book because his homework book only has 6 blank pages
Griffin needs to take the library books back
Griffin needs to take the classroom towel back to school (the one he volunteered to bring home every (insert the f word here – in your head only) Friday!
Griffin needs to make a hot air balloon for oral (and mommy glued her thumb to the little basket)
Griffin needs extra lunch for his class outing on Friday
Griffin needs to go to the dentist
Griffin do you have your lunch / homework books/gym bag
Griffin did you brush your teeth (shouting again)
Griffin has choir practise on a Tuesday morning at school
Griffin your bag is still in the car!!!!! (I shout)
Griffin must remember to bring his jersey home from ma’s house
Griffin must be up at 06h00 on Saturday for gym competition in Kuils River at 07h30 for warm up
Griffin needs money for fund raising
GRIFFIN. GRIFFIN. GRIFFIN.

Now Griffin, that is you. Don’t even get me started with Phoenix and daddy!!! They each need 32GB - I only have 1.88GB available.

After that long explanation, I asked if he understood… how the rented place in my head, reserved for remembering everyone else’s to-do lists, is filled to the brim… he glibly chirped: “I don’t understand… I am only 8 mom…”
I could actually ‘hear’ the suggestive dots ending that sentence.

Us moms, whether you work from home, or hold down a full time job, the struggle is so real. I was a working mom, and now, a work from home mom, and both equally draining and often a little thankless. So after dropping them off – I decided to spoil myself and had a quiet and fantastically du jour breakfast at the nearest coffee shop and I just sat there sipping my steaming hot cappuccino with a giant heap of cream (thick enough to hide in), contemplating that 07h30 conversation and how we as moms need to really put all the obsolete thoughts into a giant sieve. Declutter our minds and hearts of things, feelings, people and situations that does not serve us positively anymore! Just so that we can at least remember which half of the year we are in and keep the last two thoughts in our heads for longer than a second; at least. So I am going to turn up the wick and, as my grandma once said, “maak vuur onder hul sterte”, restore my erstwhile impeccable memory and sanity. A legend in my own mind.

At least for a day or 2, before the ‘add to cart’ reactivates. I don't even think that you, once you reach the age of 40, can completely go back to the original factory settings of 1976. Can you?

And… if all else fails, I will advertise these 3, in the second-hand section on Gumtree.
FREE delivery.