How to understand and deal toxic people
Today, you can find many videos and posts on social media and YouTube talking about “toxic” people—narcissists, psychopaths, abusers. These words come from psychology, but they have become common in daily talk. People often lose their exact meanings.
As a result, many believe such people are everywhere. Almost everyone who causes pain is seen as fitting into one of these types.
In truth, serious personality disorders are much less common than most think.
Most of the time, it’s not malice behind the actions of those who hurt us. Instead, it’s often their own hidden pain. These people may be afraid, guilty, ashamed, or feel weak. They don’t know how to handle themselves or relate to others in a better way.
As a psychoanalyst, I’ve been through times when I just labeled others and avoided my own feelings. I used my knowledge to protect myself from getting hurt. I studied, searched for answers, and faced my own truth. This is a normal part of growing as both a person and a professional. I now see how psychology is becoming easier to access. It helps people grow and learn about themselves.
But I also see some risks. Over-diagnosing, chasing “perfect” relationships, and looking for problems that are really just life and feelings. All this can cause confusion and internal stress, and even lead to unnecessary fights.
Psychoanalysis is useful because it does not see people as “good” or “bad.” It isn’t about judging or labeling. It’s about understanding what’s inside a person—what hurts them and what defense mechanisms they use. The goal is to meet reality honestly, without illusions or blame.
When people begin to see and accept their pain, they can start taking care of themselves. They then learn to see others with more understanding, without judging or fearing. Instead of punishing themselves for their feelings, they ask why they reacted a certain way. They wonder if it was fear, loneliness, or unmet needs.
This kind of internal conversation—focused on exploring rather than blaming—helps them see themselves and others better. That’s when true empathy begins. It’s not about following a rule to be kind. It grows from honesty and emotional maturity.
As an analyst, I don’t give labels or diagnoses. My role is to create a safe space. Here, a person can explore who they truly are, hear their own truth, and meet their vulnerability. It’s in this honest and gentle meeting that real change happens. These changes come from within, not from outside. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being real—alive, feeling, and genuine.