How to become the author of your own life
The phrase “being the author of your life” is very common today. We spoke with psychologist Evgeny Tumilo about how to use this idea to become both the creator and the main character of a truly interesting life story.
This phrase can have many meanings. It’s not just about doing only what you want. To be the author of a novel means letting its characters live their own lives and letting the story follow its own flow. The same idea works in real life.
I think he meant that everyone has their own inner logic — their own kind of destiny. You don’t need to live an exciting life full of adventures like Cousteau’s. Even in a quiet, normal life, you can find your own special meaning and beauty.
Having a simple life with a steady home, work, family, and dacha is great. If you’re happy with this, then you are the author of your story and you’re free to live as you want.
But sometimes, people start feeling unhappy or unfulfilled, even if they don’t understand why. That’s when a new path begins. When you notice this feeling, it can be the start of a journey towards making your life more exciting, balanced, and joyful.
If you want to try something new, the first step is to learn to listen to your desires and instincts. Sometimes, it’s hard to recognize what you really want. In this case, pay attention to your feelings. What makes you happy?
What makes you sad? What thoughts keep bothering you? Your feelings usually point to your true desires — maybe even ones you do not realize or hide.
It’s not always easy to understand yourself, especially if you’re not used to thinking about your feelings. But therapy can help. It’s a way to learn more about yourself. For example, I might tell a client, “As you tell me your story, I see you smile slightly. It seems like these memories bring you joy. Is that true?” Most people agree. That small smile may hide a secret wish — something that could make them even happier.
Another good sign is fear.
I often tell clients the words of myth expert Joseph Campbell: “The things you fear to face in the dark are what you’re searching for.”
Many are afraid of their own desires. In youth, almost everyone wants love, dates, or a first kiss. But at the same time, they fear disappointment, mistakes, failure, or embarrassment. The more important the wish, the stronger the fear can be.
When that happens, it’s a good sign. It shows you’re likely on the right track. Still, it’s wise to think carefully. Fear of the unknown doesn’t mean you want trouble. It’s often just a sign you need to move forward.
No matter what you face on this journey, three skills can help. Learn how to accept what you don’t want. Know how to finish what you start. And find ways to get inspired to keep going.
How to Accept What’s Happening and Keep Moving Forward
Sometimes, even difficult or bad experiences are needed for your story.
Unpleasant characters or events can have a purpose too. They can help you learn and grow. Embracing all parts of your life helps you build a better story. It makes moving ahead clearer and easier.