I've become a grumpy old man earlier than expected

It's funny how the passage of time gets to all of us no matter how we try to avoid it. I have always lived a youthful existence that was at least to some people, somewhat admirable.

I managed to keep my life the life of a 20 something and while some of this was by choice and major decisions that I made in my life, other aspects of it were completely random happenstance occurrences such as kind of falling into owning guesthouses in Thailand when I was in my late 20's and early 30's. I didn't plan on that happening, it just kind of DID happen and therefore I was forced to put on a facade of youthfulness for my customers that were getting more and more years younger than me as the years went on. By being around people constantly that were many years younger than me, I was kept young as a result.

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I went to parties on weekdays, hell, I HOSTED them at my bar, I stayed up late AND woke up early and combated hangovers by getting drunk again and this kind of worked out for me in a lot of ways for over a decade. Eventually though, and mostly because I had gained a bunch of weight and always had a headache, I decided to change to "act my age" to a certain degree. I think this finally started to happen about 8 years ago and as time goes by it gets continually worse (or better, depending on how you choose to look at it.)

I no longer wish to be out late and I find it annoying when people talk about how "things really got good in the pub at 1am" or something like that. By 1 AM I had been asleep for hours.

I am no stranger to the life of staying in bed nursing a hangover and not even getting started on my day until the middle of the afternoon. I did that for a while but perhaps it is specifically because I am older now and my body doesn't bounce back from such abuse very quickly, that I never do this anymore. Hell, the other day I was out past midnight because a sporting even was on and the regulars at the pub were all gathering around regaling me with how unusual it is to see me at this hour. Much of the time I am the guy walking his dog past that same bar at 5am the next day, sober, getting an early morning dog walk in before the streets get too crazy with cars and before the intense heat kicks in and makes being outdoors impossible. I am the guy that walks by and says hello to all the "degenerates" that are still at the pub the following day. I want no part of that scene and do not envy them. I know that everyone standing there is going to be suffering for at least the next 20 hours and I don't want to do that anymore.

Well, I became acutely aware of how much "older" behaving I have become last night at a 4th of July party. I was told to turn up any time after 5 and I left my house at around 10 past 5 for the 5-minute walk it takes to get to the bar. When I walked in and was the only person there, I was already annoyed.

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Here's the thing: I didn't really want to go to this party but felt obligated to because all the other Americans that I know were making a big deal about the fact that it was happening. I had hoped to arrive at the start time, have 3-5 beers, get some food, then ninja out of the place before I allowed myself to reach that point where I am drinking for the sake of drinking, not because I am having fun.

So when I get there at the official start time and am the only one there, I already knew that I was going to be standing around for a very long time before we ever see any sort of food action. I ran out of small talk with the owner in about 3 minutes.

6 o'clock went past and we were getting close to 7 before they even fired up the grill. The coals weren't hot enough to cook anything on until around 7:30. So if you are keeping track I have now been at this place that I didn't really want to go to for 2 and a half hours and basically nothing has happened. I was cordial to the people that arrived eventually, but this didn't change the fact that I didn't really want to be there and was just super-annoyed that anyone would invite someone over for a BBQ and then not even put any food out until hours after it starts. To me, that is just bad manners and being a bad host. I was on the verge of ordering some food to be delivered or just leaving when someone put some chips out. I restrained myself from saying something like "for fucks sake, finally! Some actual food at this dinner party!"

Most of the time these days I spend most of the day at home with my dog and really don't want to go outside and if I do, it isn't to go and hang out with anyone. My social life is struggling and it really doesn't even bother me because all anyone does around here is sit at shitty uncomfortable tables at trash dirty bars and drink beer and mostly complain about visas. It's boring and I would rather be at home.

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Now as far as my residence is concerned, it is well known among everyone including the owner of the building, that I do not take very kindly to people stopping by either. I have become, for reasons that I don't really understand, someone that never wants anyone in his apartment. I get annoyed when the cleaners arrive once a week and have to leave the house while they are there.

Some of this attitude on my part is a bit concerning to me because I always used to be the happy-go-lucky, let's make the best of it, go-getter extroverted type of person but as I close in on 50 I am finding that I simply do not have the patience necessary to deal with almost anything.

Last night at the BBQ was just a indication of what I have become. I don't think that people should ever have dinner at 830 pm but that seemed to be what we were doing last night and I became "hangry" (hungry and angry together) because of this. It was also too hot and none of the places to sit were of a comfort standard that I require. Don't even get me started on the impolite roaming smokers who had ashtrays all over the place.

I am the kind of person that will tell it to people straight and I will tell them "go smoke outside" or "what's with the shouting?" if someone is talking too loud and this is how I am able to make my environment a bit more to my liking but I am sure I do this at the expense of my likability. I am sure there are people that think I am mean and I guess that is the case to a certain degree but mostly, I don't have time or patience for what I consider to be idiocy anymore. My plan of having a few drinks, eating, then immediately leaving still happened though, i just arrived back home a lot later than I had originally planned.

I don't know what to do for social time anymore, but I can tell you this, it definitely doesn't include sitting somewhere drinking for 2.5 hours before they eventually roll out the food that was promised.

Another friend of mine who is of similar age and also used to live the perpetually young life like I did when I was in my 20's in Thailand recommended this to me... he said "I always eat before I go to some bullshit dinner party because they always take too long to get the food out and their normally isn't enough food anyway." He's absolutely right, and this is how I am going to handle these things in the future. I will turn up with a full belly and just hang out and then when they eventually mosey on by with food 3 hours later than I had planned, I may actually be hungry again.