Dearest Billy - Introduction
Grief has brought me back here.
It has been over 3 years since I posted anything on this page.
You see, last year in November, I Lost someone whom I held very close to my heart. Up until then, I had not truly experienced the pain of loss. Yes, 2 years back, I had lost my grandma whom I loved like my mother because she basically brought me up. That was painful. She was old and she had cancer which she bore bravely for close to 3 years before she lost the battle. I think at the back of my mind I knew we would eventually lose her and I was mentally and psychologically prepared for that eventuality. But this loss, this one struck me,and completely flattened me out. It tore my heart into shreds and left me in the deepest, darkest hole of which am still trying to climb out of.
I am writing in this platform because not many of my family and friends even knows it exists. I want to chronicle my journey and my relationship with this person freely without having those close to me judge me too harshly. Here amongst you strangers, if anyone happens to read this anyway, I can be myself and truly pour my heart out. Am sure you will also judge me, but I honestly hope you will appreciate where I am coming from.
You see, for the last almost 10 years, I was the other woman.
I met Billy at a club back in June 2010 . I was out of a job and struggling to make ends meet. I was also a 30 yr old single mother and putting food and a roof over my daughters head was just stressful. I had a friend then and we would meet at this club owned by an uncle of hers. We would each have Kshs 300 ($3) for 2 glasses of wine just to de-stress after a long day of trying to make some money. Of course as is the custom here in Kenya, two beautiful girls at the club would always get a few rounds of drinks from the men and we would go home 2/3 hrs later because we had to catch the public transport back home as we had no money for cabs and neither of us had a car.
One day we are doing our usual 2 glass wine and these two gentlemen seated next us started talking to us. One of them was Billy. He was very very loud , very very funny and generous because he did order for us each a full bottle of wine and said if we don't finish we can always carry it home. We were happy that day. We laughed, the sort of laughter that has you doubling over and wiping tears from your eyes. They left earlier than us I remember but not before he took both our numbers and promised to call sometime. I never thought he would call ME, I thought he would call my friend.
But he did end up calling me almost a month later...and that's how my life changed.
This is my long tribute to him. My way of immortalizing our 10 years together. My way of grieving and hopefully at the end I will have healed and climbed out of this hole I find myself in. Hopefully then II can remember him without breaking down.
