And I keep on trucking

I must say that my 30s are certainly one of the more interesting times in my life. Not what I expected of course. I suppose that could be interpreted as both a good and bad thing. Comparatively speaking my twenties were very easy compared to have my thirties I've been so far. Yet, more and more I try to look at it as an educational experience. And a part of the natural progression of growth in my life. Some of us just have to deal with very harsh reality sooner than others or later in my case. I'm pretty tired right now. Almost 5 in the morning. Going to go home and get ready for work at 10 to a few things like laundry and then head in.

My days are hard now and if it's stressful mainly due to money. My son's Child Care daycare bill is rather High. The mom and I split it but I naturally am having a hard time with just a crazy high the bill is currently. Not that is anyone's fault. It's all a long story but the short version we had a very hard time finding a quality daycare to put him in on such short notice when we found out that my son's mom was pregnant. He's waitlisted on a few other daycares which looked good. But there were others which were cheaper but we found subpar. Frankly, I would rather struggle financially and make sure he is in a good daycare opposed to spending less money to put him in a less satisfactory one. It can be a little hard sometimes. I spend the majority of my time working and when I'm not working I am seeing my kid and helping out with him the best I can. His mom does a very good job. I just now that a one-year-old has a lot of work. I have to come over to help watch him, cook, clean and such to try and help out. Even if his mom and I did not work out as a couple I of course still want to help as much as I can.

My problem was last week I was able to forgo sleep every other night or so to get out of driving for Uber Lyft and make some decent money. I've been unable to motivate myself to do that at all this week. Every night I keep saying I will but now we are on Thursday and I've yet to do so. After I help clean around our place and such I simply feel too exhausted to go out and drive for Uber or Lyft and then I pass out. That it's all right. At least from all the work, I did last week I managed to pay all of the important bills. Basically, have no money left in my account now but I look at this as an educational experience in my life. I know at the end of the day my struggles are purely caused by myself. Not even just on the relationship side though clearly, that is all my doing. I blame no one for the fact that my ex is pregnant. I was knowing with her and of course, things happen. Nor do I blame anyone for my financial difficulties. I don't know people ask me if I'm upset with her for seeking child support. I genuinely wish she had not because that was not what I wanted. When we first separated I was more than happy to offer to give her any money that she required and even gave her some money regardless. But it is truly okay. Well, I do not care for the government being involved am I taking care of my child. If it makes her more comfortable I can certainly live with it.

And my financial problems are pure of my own doing. I racked up various debt over the years which I was working on paying down and had to some extent when my kid was here. But simply put I should have handled it better and had it taken care of. And I have done so this would be a non-issue. So now I need to make up for it by applying myself and working harder than ever. Although I've done a poor job at working extra this week I plan to do better. Overall I'm not upset. This just pushes me to do better because I have to do better now that I understand what it is like to be a parent's I also get that not succeeding is simply not an option. So I need to push more. I was applying around and got a new job recently which although it does not pay better than my current job. Well actually pays slightly less. But the long-term prospects of it including raises, benefits, promotion possibility and such will be much better than my current job. Tomorrow is my last day at my current job and it will be very bittersweet. But being in my thirties now and turning 31 on the 17th this at the end of the day just motivates me to do better. I need to take better care of myself and slowly I'm doing better. Taking my supplements, trying to sleep when I can, exercising when I can. Not doing perfectly at any of these by any means some days I forget to take my supplements. Some days I don't sleep nearly enough nor do I work out enough.

But more and more I am trying. I ate a healthy lunch at work yesterday the next thing I am also working on continuing to strive for a healthy Clean Diet which will support me physically and mentally. I also did Sprint's in the parking lot on my lunch break at work to help with my body. I spend more time in my life now than I ever have before looking for peace and happiness within. I practice meditation doing just a little bit for a few minutes each day. I spend a lot of time self-reflecting. Not just thinking about the mistakes I made the focusing on the good in my life. The things I have to be thankful for and motivate me to always strive to do better. I've started listening and reading two books again and building a list of books I want to read. Both fiction but also educational books to help me be a better person. Especially books focused on famous influential people who I know I can learn a thing or two from. At the end of the day, you could say that I simply wish to be a better person. I better man. And a better father. In many respects, my life is the most stressful which it has ever been in my entire life. But at the same time, it is also being very educational and what to do different and how to be better. So I will continue to strive to be better and happier. I want to be a good role model for my son as he gets older and how to lead a happy and healthy life.