My son's turning fourteen. I cannot tell you a precise reason why I decided to have a child. It felt appropriate and right at that time. I had no idea what to expect. I can tell you that not knowing about the difficulties you can have as a parent is basically quite good because you grow with things and all the problems with your own parenting make you make decisions. You can't plan family and parenthood like a project and you can't weigh the pros and cons because a lot of unknowns are waiting for you once you're a parent.

The most important question in this context would be: Are you prepared to deal with uncertainty in life?

When you become a father, you would face a lot of difficulties. But if the motive is to reach maturity or to want anything specific through the role of parenting, I wouldn't recommend it.

The problem that we modern humans have is that the need for offspring does not seem to exist. Although this seems to contradict my statement above, I would think that purposefulness for reasons of self-preservation, security in old age, inclusion in a social group is a significant aspect of parenthood. For many people who suffer feelings of senselessness and loneliness as singles, starting a family is the right way to integrate into a new form of community building. You will have a lot to do (offline) when you become a father.

Do you want to get involved with other people from your child's kindergarten days, with teachers at school, with sports club memberships, with doctors, vaccinations, counsellors, your parents or those of your wife who then become grandparents, the family of origin and possibly existing siblings, friends who also have children?

Are you ready to put your ego aside and settle into your fatherhood in a leisurely and reconciled way with your decision? Are you ready to get up at night and get by with only three to six hours of sleep?

No one can take away your fears and you will make terrible mistakes and feel like a failure time and time again.

I mean, you can't really want something like this and we all know that there are no reasonable and rational explanations for becoming parents unless you're crazy and want to take a risk whose outcome is more than uncertain.

All the talk about how children enrich your life and make you happy, even euphoric, and all the love that naturally reigns between you and your child: all right. But I would say that once you're a parent, you're always a parent and that's something you really have to want, whether consciously or unconsciously chosen.

If the egos of both parents are too big, which is often the case in the first three years, many couples separate. You get to know each other really well when you become a mother and father. The fate of many children today is to grow up with separated parents. All this is not a drama if you behave sensibly and do not have to compensate the child for the pain suffered between the divorcing parents. Of course, no one is really protected from harm, it is always a constant companion in the life of all of us.

If you still feel like becoming a father after this speech, I think you are ready for it.